Daylight. It always seemed to be the constant forecast at Kadic Academy. Sun shining brightly, sparse clouds in the skies, smiling faces everywhere. To an outsider, it may seem fake, but it is indeed real.

It is in the daylight in which he wakes up and feels refreshed from a good night’s sleep. A stretch, a yawn, and a good breakfast to keep him feeling energized throughout the day. Hanging out with his friends, and then her. She comes, and he feels his happiest. He loves this girl with all his heart, despite all the odds that seem against them. He would sit in class, stare out the window, and daydream what could happen, how he would tell her that he loved her the most, how he would embrace her and perhaps one day take her as his own. Then class would end, and he would be brought back to reality in disappointment.

During lunch and after school hours, they would spend precious time together, chatting, laughing, plotting, or sometimes even fighting to save the world. But whatever it was, he was there with her, feeling his happiest.

The nighttime does strange things to people. Their shame lowers, their judgment gone, and their morals seem less defined. It is nighttime when the naughty come out to play, when the thoughts you vowed never to think enter your mind to taunt you. It is nighttime in which breaking the rules seems much more tempting.

It is at night fall when she leaves for home, and he stays on campus. He stays with the others for even more chatting, laughing, and plotting. The four soon disperse for their rooms; the two lovers say goodnight, and he and his roommate return to the dorm.

They brush their teeth and change into pajamas, say good night to each other then fall asleep. The other sleeps quickly while he lies in bed. He tries to imagine himself with the one he loves, but it isn’t her that appears in his mind, but him. He is there, smiling with him, as he leans in to kiss. The kiss deepens, and it becomes more. Clothes are discarded, and –

No, he can’t be imagining this. He will bury his face into his pillow and will the thoughts away. He’s not like that; he’s in love with her. He would never betray her like that. He can’t be imagining things with him. He’ll force himself to imagine with her, but his imagination betrays him again, and there he is where he left off – in the heat of the moment. Occasionally, those thoughts will get to him and he’ll run off into the bathroom to relieve himself.

And the other times, his common sense and good judgment will catch him in these thoughts, and remind him of the girl he loves. He will be torn, feel as if he has betrayed her, and at the same time a longing that he cannot have him. Then the next thing he knows, he’s sitting in the men’s room, knife in hand, and deep red blood slowly dripping from his wrist. He can’t live like this – torn and unstable. His better judgment will catch him again, and he cleans up, returns to the dorm as if nothing ever had happened, only to be onslaught again by the thoughts that shouldn’t be there.

But the sunlight will wake him in the morning, as he heads off for a shower and breakfast. He chats with his friends, and happily greets her as she arrives for school. He believes he wants nothing more but to be by her side, to comfort her, and to save the world from that potential danger. All he wants is for her to love him back.

All those unwanted thoughts are in the back of his mind, only to come out and play in the moonlight, only for him to be risking his life like that with that pocketknife, lost in his thoughts.

It is merely routine.