In a Lonely Place

Chapter 1: Altered States

The note was still there.

Odd blinked and rubbed his eyes madly. Nope. Still there. Odd slowly turned around and shut the door, collapsing against it. He didn’t need to be reading the note to know the words inscribed there. Odd clenched his eyes shut as tight as he could, trying to stop the stinging tears.

Kiwi came over and sniffed the youth’s outstretched palm before giving it a lazy lick. Absently, Odd stroked the dog’s head, tears quickly fading into the fur.

“What am I going to do now?”

Jeremie walked down the hall, a concerned look on his face. Odd had not shown up for dinner, and Jeremie’s warning bells had immediately started going off. Ulrich had gone off with Yumi for some martial arts training before she went home, and Aelita just wasn’t attuned to the human psyche yet. That left Jeremie to see what was the matter and remedy the situation.

In a guilty spot in the back of his mind, Jeremie wished it was anyone but him handling this. He felt far more comfortable messing around with the innards of a computer than the inner workings of a friend’s mind. The boy pushed his glasses up his nose as he stopped at Odd’s door. The light wasn’t on, and upon pressing his ear to the door, he heard nothing, either. Tentatively, he raised a fist and knocked (tapped) on the door. No response. Jeremie tried a little harder to the same result.

‘Maybe I should barge in…’ Jeremie thought. He grasped the doorknob unsurely and gave it a turn. The door wasn’t locked, but it wasn’t opening, either.

“What’s going on here?” he wondered aloud, peering in the tiny crack the door allotted. He pressed harder against the door, and it gave a bit more.

‘Why would he barricade himself in?’ Jeremie was even more concerned now. He backed up and gave a full, shoulder-leading run into the door. He barreled head-over-heels into the room, tripped up by whatever was blocking the door. Jeremie straightened his glasses as he sat up. By the light coming from the hall, he could see Kiwi peering out suspiciously from under Odd’s bed. Turning his attention back to the door brought to light the room’s other occupant.

Odd had his head cradled in his hands, and aside from a slight trembling, was doing his best impression of a statue.

“What is it? Did I hurt you?” Jeremie went over and flipped the light on. Odd’s clothes were rumpled and his hair unkempt. Jeremie looked over Odd for injuries. “Did you bash your head?” Odd remained resolute in his ignoring Jeremie whilst sitting in the open doorway.

“Odd…”

Jeremie shook Odd, and finally he showed some signs of life, resisting Jeremie’s efforts. Odd stood up, dragging Jeremie with him, and shrugged the computer whiz off. Jeremie let go, fully aware now this approach wasn’t working. He hung his head as Odd went over and sat on his bed. Kiwi jumped up and settled in Odd’s lap, where he received another half-hearted petting.

“Do you want me to leave, Odd?” Jeremie asked quietly as he watched the boy silently suffer. “I just want to help, and to do that, I need to know what’s wrong. If you’re not ready to talk, that’s OK. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” Jeremie turned toward the door, feeling the eyes boring into the back of his head.

“Don’t go.”

Jeremie had a foot in the hall before the barely audible plea reached his ears. He turned his head and got his first good look at Odd’s face. His cheeks were red and puffy, and eyes usually sparkling with mirth looked listless and dull. Only a quirked eyebrow and terse lips gave Jeremie any clue to Odd’s inner workings as he responded.

“Sure, Odd.”

Conversation (if you can call it that) fell flat again as Jeremie re-entered the room. Kiwi, sensing his role as consoler was being usurped by someone else, retreated to his dresser drawer.

“Could you shut the door, please?” Odd’s voice sounded strained at best. Jeremie nudged the door closed and flicked the lock as an afterthought. Odd scooted over to make room at the foot of the bed for Jeremie to sit down, which he did.

“I’m glad it’s you.” Odd almost sounded positive. “You might be able to actually help and not just placate.”

“That’s funny, because coming in here I was thinking I was the worst one to send.” Jeremie cracked a forced grin Odd didn’t return. “Well, it’s true!” Jeremie suddenly felt the need to defend himself. “Ulrich’s always been more in tune with you.”

“Maybe…” was Odd’s noncommittal response.

“What is it with you?” Jeremie was getting upset. Not angry, for that would only make the situation worse. No, he was upset because Odd didn’t seem to want to help himself.

“Don’t you want my help?” Jeremie waited for a response that did not come.

“Don’t you care?”

“Oh, I care.” Odd had sat up slightly. “I care enough to not want to hurt you guys any more than I have to. I figured doing this provided the least pain for all of you.”

“Just sitting in your room with the lights off?” Jeremie was floored. What would drive Odd to willingly sever his ties with the group?

“Yeah. Better get used to it.”

Jeremie had never wanted to hit anyone as bad as right then. “What if I don’t want to get used to it?”

“Then do something to stop me.” Odd’s eyes betrayed that this was where his heart actually leaned.

“I can’t if I don’t know what the problem is.” Jeremie softened his attack as he noticed the nearly imperceptible shift in Odd. Odd pointed at his night stand, where the crisply folded note still lay.

“Oh, it’s a pretty big problem…”

In a Lonely Place

Chapter 2: Disease of the Dancing Cats

Jeremie read over the note again and again, looking for a loophole that didn’t exist. A couple of times he perked up only to drop his head down, shaking it in disgust.

“Pretty shitty, huh?” Odd cracked a small, sarcastic smile at Jeremie’s expression at his curse.

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Jeremie said after regaining his composure. He sighed in defeat and threw the note aside. He really was the best one to handle this, but it was too late.

“Are you sure we returned to the past at the right time?” Odd asked, grasping at straws.

“Yes.”

“Couldn’t we go back again, change things?”

“No. It was more than this alone.”

Odd jumped off his bed, ready to storm out. Jeremie grabbed on to his arm.

“We might not be able to fix this with the supercomputer, but there are other things that can be done,” Jeremie said.

“Reasoning with the principal didn’t work.”

“Oh.” Jeremie was stunned. “How long have you been keeping this from us? Anything else we need to know?”

Odd exhaled, deeply. He shifted his eyes around, refusing to look at Jeremie. “I knew since the day of our last mission. Before the mission. I was late in getting to the Factory because I was in Delm-ASS’s office pleading my case. Didn’t work.”

“Does your dad know?”

“I haven’t told him, but he could.” Odd was close to crying again. “He might be here tomorrow if the principal told him.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Jeremie was as sullen as Odd at his words. “Do you want me to tell the others?”

“I guess. Generally, though,” Odd sucked in air. “They don’t need to know why. They don’t need to know I’m a failure. I’d rather be seen as an eccentric goof than that.”

“You are not a failure, Odd!”

“Oh sure I am. I could’ve studied more, paid attention, taken school seriously. But I didn’t. And DON’T,” Odd raised his voice as Jeremie was about to interrupt. “Say Lyoko is a good excuse. I know it isn’t as well as you. You guys all pull good grades under the same circumstances.”

“Will you stop beating yourself up?” Jeremie tightened his grip on Odd’s arm as he pulled him back into a sitting position. “You are valuable to me – to all of us! Never think otherwise.”

“Not in Delmas’ eyes.” Odd’s sobs he’d held back finally burst forth. “Not in my Dad’s eyes.” Jeremie could only lamely hug Odd as he went on. “I’m only here because I made a deal. Dad sent me here on one condition – that if I were to show lack of discipline, he’d pull me out of here and send me into the military. I’m headed to boot camp. I know it!”

The picture painted in Jeremie’s mind was not a pretty one. Odd, despite all claims otherwise, was scrawny, not svelte. Could he withstand the rigors of the armed forces? Perhaps, with his Lyoko background. But Odd was also glaringly off-center. He stood out with his attire, hair-do, and antics. They made Odd what he was. In the military, Odd would have to conform. He’d be forced to be another person altogether. Jeremie did not want to see that happen.

Odd’s crying had leveled off, and he used the collar of Jeremie’s turtleneck to wipe his eyes. “Odd…” Jeremie started to form a complaint, but let it slide.

“Hmm…” Odd had heard, and pulled away to look at Jeremie questioningly.

:”Just a bad mental picture is all. You getting conformity beat into you by a drill sergeant,” Jeremie said. Odd burst out in maniacal, shrill laughter that was not at all natural like Odd’s normal laughing.

“OH…me in the military…what a bad dream…” Odd was raving. Jeremie had an urge to hit him again, but only to slap some sense into him. “Ten HUT! HAHAHAHA.” Odd was becoming incoherent.

“Odd, snap out of it!” Odd continued laughing amidst his mumblings. Jeremie reached out and embraced Odd again to no effect. “Will you be quiet already?” Again seeing no change, Jeremie put his face right in front of Odd’s and yelled, “SHUT UP!”

Odd blinked and flapped his mouth like a guppy, inhaling air but forming no words. Jeremie’s eyes shined with unshed tears as he watched Odd try to regain his senses.

“You didn’t have to yell,” Odd finally managed.

“Apparently I did,” Jeremie countered. “Nothing else was working.”

“Y’know, there’s another reason me and the military wouldn’t get along,” Odd sounded strangely calm.

“Besides your physique, clothes, attitude and just plain not wanting to be there?”

Yeah. Bigger than the last problem, definitely.”

“You want me to guess at it?”

Odd looked thoughtful, and Jeremie couldn’t tell what was going on in that scatter-brained head.

“Nah. That’d take too much time. This is much simpler.”

Odd leaned in the last foot of space and pressed his lips assuredly against Jeremie’s. He moved closer to the other boy as he kissed him, touching hips and roaming a hand over his back. Odd’s eyes studied Jeremie’s face – furrowed brow, arched eyebrows, closed eyes. He parted after some moments and stared evenly with the newly-opened green orbs.

“It’s…” Jeremie was at a loss. “A pretty big reason.”

In a Lonely Place

Chapter 3: Everything Zen

The dorm room was more silent than it had been the entire evening. Odd kept looking over at Jeremie, who was doing the same thing, but looked away if caught doing so. Kiwi had re-emerged, feeling perhaps Jeremie needed him now. He nudged his head against Jeremie’s leg. He looked down, picked up the lovable mutt, and plopped him down. He inhabited the newly-formed space between the two students.

Two hands reached simultaneously for Kiwi’s back and met in the middle. Both finally looked at each other again, speaking volumes with nonverbal communication. Jeremie’s hand reached down, but Odd dragged it up, entwining their fingers together. A faint blush stained his cheeks, hardly noticeable after the crying. Jeremie, on the other hand, resembled a ripe tomato. His fingers slackened in Odd’s grip.

“You comfortable with this?” Odd broached the silence.

“Define comfortable,” was Jeremie’s reply, causing titters among the teens.

“I mean, are you OK with this…part of me?”

“You’re my friend. I will always hold tightly to our friendship.” Jeremie paused, gathering self-resolve. “In you, I see the person I cannot be.”

“Cannot be?” Odd whispered. “Why not?”

“You’re the opposite of me. I’m serious; you’re happy-go-lucky. You’re caring; I’m calloused. I value…” Jeremie stopped himself abruptly, but Odd knew what he was going to say. He dropped Jeremie’s hand and sent him a withering look.

“OK, that was unfair of me. But in you, I see what I can only hope for.”

“You hope for grades so bad they don’t want you here?” Odd’s momentary smile vanished. “You hope to be attracted to one of your best friends?”

Jeremie had never looked more embarrassed, even after the time Aelita kissed him. “If I had the guts to do it, then yes. But I push that aside.”

“I don’t mean Aelita.” Odd found he could laugh again. “We all know about that.”

“I don’t mean Aelita, either. At least not entirely.”

Odd was gob-smacked. Jeremie didn’t just say that, did he?

“I think scientifically,” Jeremie said. “I have no time in my life for love, for desires outside of defeating XANA. I truly don’t know where my future in these matters lies.” He paused for a very pregnant breath. “Aelita’s kiss, it was good…but yours was, too.”

“Of course it was.” Odd tried to sound confident to mask his surprise, but it showed through. Jeremie felt the same? No – he only knew that he, too, was conflicted. His internal monologue was halted by Jeremie’s next question.

“What do we do now?”

“I asked myself the same thing when I got that letter,” Odd admitted. “And, after tonight, I think I know.” Jeremie unconsciously shifted closer to Odd. “We live. Live for now. No regrets, none of that. I won’t let adversity stop me from being who I am.”

Jeremie’s unshed tears had begun leaking out during Odd’s mini-speech, and Odd reached up to wipe them away with his thumb.

“Aren’t you going to use my turtleneck for that?”

A wall broke down inside both of them then. They collapsed onto the bed, seized with fits of laughter. Jeremie clutched his stomach and Odd pounded a fist into his pillow. Emotions pent up and let out hesitantly found spontaneous outlet at last.

Both finally caught their breath and rolled over to look at each other, mirthful tears and watery smiles on their faces. Kiwi gracefully jumped out of the way and toward the door and the boys leaned in again.

“I’ve found success in failure,” Odd said aloud to himself dreamily as Jeremie kissed him.

“Hey, Odd…wha?”

The pair on the bed parted faster than opposite poles of a magnet. Ulrich stood dumbfounded in the entry. Slowly, a smile crept up on his face.

“This is amusing to you?” Odd scoffed.

“No, not really,” Ulrich didn’t look disapproving, just…spaced out a bit. “Yumi owes me twenty bucks now, though.”

Laughter filled the room again as Ulrich closed the door. “Now, I think we need to have a talk about this…” Ulrich said. Odd and Jeremie looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and started living anew.