My Dad...

[Stargate offline]

Before I start.... my dad does love me. A lot. I know he does.

My dad has always wanted me to be involved in a sport; soccer, winter track, whatever. He wants me involved, and he tries his best to help me when he can.

But sometimes I feel like he's demanding me to go out for sports instead of letting me decide on my own. He's even said that he wants me to go out for winter track, he wants me to run fast and make the team, and he wants me to earn a varsity letter.

I know my dad loves me, and I know he's just trying to do what he thinks is best. But sometimes I feel like I'm worthless, like I'm nothing to him after we talk (Okay, argue...) about this. He can say something in this tone of voice, with this look on his face, that says to me "You're the biggest mistake I ever made, go in a corner and die somewhere so you're not my problem anymore".

I know he means well, but sometimes I just wish he'd back off and let me live my life....

[Darkborn offline]

I got the same problem here. My parents want me to be an overachiever. I told them to back off, and that I can make my own decisions. They understood and let me go at my own pace.

But from what I can tell your father is different. So you might have a harder time convincing him that you want to do what you want to do in life.

Your father must really take on the persona of Ulrichs Father,

[Stargate offline]

Your father must really take on the persona of Ulrichs Father,

I've wondered....

He always says he's gonna back off, but he never does. He never listens to what I try to tell him, anyway, so I've kind of just given up and go along with what he wants me to do. I'd rather write, but if running track gets him off my back...

[Darkborn offline]

I know this might sound rude to your father, but maybe you could just ignore him.

OR

Or show him that you have a different interest. That might make him think differently.

[Ulrich's lil bro offline]

Has he ever considered the thought that there are other things you want toi do, such as writing which you mentioned. look, I dn't want to sund mean but seriously, you're father is acting like a jackass and taking these things way to seriously. Just one day, show him, intentionaly, that you like to do other stuff and not exactly what he wants you to do.

But, the problem is that you must at least try to keep a good relationship with im. He is your father after all.

[Stargate offline]

He knows I love to write... he even thinks I'm good at it. But he doesn't care. As he likes to put it, I'm wasting my time on something that won't be worth anything in the future.

But it's worth it to me... isn't that all that matters?

[Darkborn offline]

Most definently does it matter.

I got a question. Do you like doing sports more than writing?

[Stargate offline]

Well...

I've done sports most of my life, so I'm pretty okay with it... but I like writing more. I mean, it's more fun for me, and I actually feel like I'm good at it. Sometimes sports make me feel like I'm totally worthless, and I hate that feeling...

[Darkborn offline]

Well, look forward to YOUR future and what YOU want. Take writing classes, harness your skills.

Your parents are there only to nurture you, not to boss you around. Tell him that you want off any sport teams, and that you would rather work on writing more than anything else.

Do things that you enjoy. It makes it more fun.

[Stargate offline]

I did take some Creative Writing classes in eighth grade, but it was only for the semester. My grandfather says I have a natural talent for it.

I think my dad wants me involved in sports because I could win a scholarship, but I really don't think I'm that good...

[Darkborn offline]

Well, how can a sports scholarship help a possible writing carrer?

I would send you father a message. Like, if there is sports game. Tell him that you are staying home just to go and write. If he gives you trouble, don't care. Just keep on doing it. Keep on getting grounded or punished. Sooner or later he's going to realize that you don't give a crap about sports, and might figure out that you like writing a whole lot more.


The only way to find out is to experiment.

[Chosen_one offline]

I totally understand how you feel, Stargate. I once had this problem.

Some parents just believe that the only way to guarentee success in the future is to be extremely good at everything. I'm one of the best in my school at many things, but that doesn't satisfy my parents. They say I have to be the best of the best. For example, my school was ranked #1 in the United States and it's still one of the top-ranked schools in the nation. However, when I got my MAP test scores best, although I had gotten into the 99th percentile (top 1%), my mom scolded me for not getting the best score in the school. She actually said "Well, you only beat 99% of the entire United States. You're still not the top in your school."

I know it's not going to mean much, but let your dad know that although you know he has your best interests at heart and you appreciate all the help he's given you, he's just planning too much to be realized. Let him know that you're not perfect and you'd really like a say in the things you do.

Well, other than that, I really don't know what to say for now.

[Stargate offline]

I guess you're right...

The truth is when I do tell him how I feel, he either promises to back off and then doesn't, or he totally ignores me. As much as he's told me it's not true, I think he's trying to relive high school through me (I'm 15). He was a football and track star when he was my age, and he's always told my sister and I stories about that. I think he wants me to be like him, but I'm not...

[Rail Runner offline]

You need to tell him....sit him down and say Dad, I love you, and I am grateful for everything you have done for me...but sports arent my life...I am just not interested in sports as much as I am writing and other things. I love you, but I am starting to develop my own interests...and I want to pursue them without pressure to be like anyone else.

I did this with my parents, and it worked...so maybe its worth a shot.

[dipzy131 offline]

well, i only read a little bit of what all you guys wrote but it sounds just like my dad! in fact, my dad got so mad that i didnt make the basketball team, that he didnt give me any dinner for two nights! well, i guess that is worse but yeah. so i am sorry, i know how it feels.

[Lola offline]

Before I start.... my dad does love me. A lot. I know he does.

My dad has always wanted me to be involved in a sport; soccer, winter track, whatever. He wants me involved, and he tries his best to help me when he can.

But sometimes I feel like he's demanding me to go out for sports instead of letting me decide on my own. He's even said that he wants me to go out for winter track, he wants me to run fast and make the team, and he wants me to earn a varsity letter.

I know my dad loves me, and I know he's just trying to do what he thinks is best. But sometimes I feel like I'm worthless, like I'm nothing to him after we talk (Okay, argue...) about this. He can say something in this tone of voice, with this look on his face, that says to me "You're the biggest mistake I ever made, go in a corner and die somewhere so you're not my problem anymore".

I know he means well, but sometimes I just wish he'd back off and let me live my life....

I've got the same problem. Just do what you love anyway. My daddy wants me to be something smart like a lawyer or a doctor. I don't like being around criminals or sick people. I want to be an actress. But my daddy is really stern on this stuff. So what I do is just make him think I'm going out for this stuff when really I'm doing what I've always wanted.

[Darkborn offline]

Have you made any Progress with your father?

[Ulrich's lil bro offline]

Well, okay then, I really don't know. It's hard to be in a situation like this, but your dad will sooner or later have to expect change in you. He can't RUN your life for you. He can only HELP you to do things. It would be okay if he recommeneded that you try out a sport, but it's not fair that he forces you to do it.

One day, you just have to have a nice, heated discussion with him. father-to-daughter, and keep looking at him with a serious face. Keep on saying things that you've said before, and don't let him leave until he SWEARS ON HIS OWN FREAKIN LIFE that he won't push you so much as he alrteady has. Okay, so i exaggurated a little but you know what I mean. When you're sure that you've reached him deeply, then, you just hug and be a good daughter that you are. After this, you can see exactly how much you mean to him.

Another simpler thing would be to tell your mom about it. What does she think about the situation? What side is she on? You and your parents, sorting things out. Good luck...

[Stargate offline]

Have you made any Progress with your father?

Nope. To date he's been hounding me about geometry and running for winter track. Everything I say seems to just bounce off him.