I have no frigging clue what to do anymore.

[Tekirai offline]

I really don't like starting rant threads, but this is something I really need to talk to someone about.

My dad is normally a very light-hearted and optimistic person. Always poking fun at people for the humour and being very interesting to talk to in conversations. My friends all say he's a great person, and sometimes, 'he's a lot like you'. I get most of my main personality from him, which is why they might say that. I love being sarcastic and funny and so does he. He's been like that all my life. That is, until now.

Since the start of Fall '06, he's been acting very quiet and not himself. Back then, it wasn't as bad, as usually it was because of morons at his workplace. Around Christmas and the new year, he was fine again. Back to normal. But then near the end of January came in, and his mom (with Parkinsons) was getting worse in hospital, so he'd been spending his time visiting her and arguing in his family over visit times and stuff. He'd gone back to Fall '06 mode. It got worse and worse and then came the final blow- his mom eventually died. March 6th, I think. Hard to remember. Some of you might remember me making statements in places like 'ugh, first funeral to go to tomorrow' and stuff like that. Well, that was why. It was really hard for me to go there, because I'm not good with depressing environments. Seeing my dad tear up at my grandma's grave was something I never wanted to see. He was the closest to his mom more than the rest of his brothers and sisters, so he took it the worst. Once the funeral was over, he actually seemed a bit better. Sure, it was obvious he was being strong in front of us, but it was an improvement from what he was like before she died.

Ever since then he's been acting like total a**hole to my mom and me. He comes home without telling anyone and we only discover he's home about an hour later. When it comes around dinnertime, when you try to talk to him, he ignores you completely, and when you try to act friendly and ask how his day was, he snaps at you. I try talking to him and he says really short things like 'Fine.' 'Heh, that sounded good.' 'Hmm, I see.' 'Yeah.' and when my mom tries to talk to him he says nothing at all. Either that or he leaves the room. He doesn't know how much he's upsetting my mom over this- a few hours ago she came crying to me going 'Oh God, I don't know what to do anymore' after he just ignored her talking to him about... something, I dunno. Now I understand that he's still grieving, but that isn't an excuse to be an inconsiderate jerk towards his family. I just get more and more angry whenever he does it. I'm tempted to just go up to him and say 'stop making life tough for us- wise up or GTFO', but I know myself that he needs time to recover. It doesn't seem to be working too well, though.

In general, my dad's acting like his head's up his a**, my mom's upset, I'm getting angry about it and what's the best way to help him if he won't talk to us apart from giving him time? I don't want to go through my spring break feeling like this...

Um, that's it I think...

[oddsgrlfriend offline]

I'm very sorry for your loss. All I can say is give your dad some space but let him know you're there for him when you need him. Then work on comforting your mum. Sorry I can't be more help.

[Lyokogirl_147 offline]

My dad's an a** hole too, but in a a different way. (mental issues) Maybe something happened that you don't know about and your dad just snapped. But otherwise, I really don't know. Soz

[Rail Runner offline]

The best advice is to be there for him...grief can make even the best people become errrrr idiots. Be sure to take care of your mom as well....he will become his usual self once again. Maybe a good idea would be for you and your family to go out together, go have dinner somewhere, go take a walk in the park, go see a movie...or something. The fresh air and family time will do him some good.

[lyokowarriorteen20010 offline]

Hmm That sounds a lot like my brother's wife... Never did figure out how to deal with her.. Just be nice, avoid him, and if push comes to shove tell your mom to have him commited

[Phoenix Wolf offline]

I am not very good with words... But this is something that I have observed... Grief changes people, yes it is sad and all that you can do is be there to support him and your mother both even if he is being a real jerk pardon the term... The one thing that you have to keep in mind is that he is your dad, your family. Family sticks together through thick and thin and when one is in trouble the rest have got to help out. Also just hang in there he will be back to him self in time, time heals all wounds.