Naïveté Part 2

[Chosen_one offline]

Another Naivete rant.

I've got two really good friends: Ben and Cleverstar. They're really great people, but they always take things too personally. Every time I say something, they think I'm making fun of them.

Ben is just pathetic like that. I don't care about him.

But Cleverstar…

I talked about Cleverstar in Naïveté Part 1. He was just acting so selfish and ungrateful… I couldn't take it anymore. I burst, and I told him everything that was going on in my mind. The thread is right here.

At the end of the thread, it seems like everything is all right. We both seem to understand each other, after all. He stopped coming to my forum for about a week. I thought it was because he had too much work, but after going to my friend's forum, I discovered otherwise.

Thank you for welcoming me here in your forum, Purpleblob. During my strike of Purplehill (no offense Supernaturalist, its over now.) I felt better when I came here.

Anyway, I started the strike when I felt persecuted in Purplehill. It started because of that long, infuriating post by Supernaturalist. I will never forgive you for that, Supernaturalist, nor will I forget it.

So he never understood me after all. He thought I was trying to lash out at him…

Cleverstar and I share big dreams: to live in a place where we feel comfortable. For him, it's Rome, Italy. For me, it's Tokyo, Japan. I want to help him achieve his dream because it's the same as mine. In that long post, I was trying to tell him that success requires effort. But this whole time he thought I was trying to hurt him.

A part of me wants to tell him I was trying to help him, but I don't know how. Every time I try to talk about him, he gets frustrated, and I get mad at him for being upset over something so stupid. He knows he must learn, but he refuses to let people teach.

Another part of me wants to stop being his friend. I feel like I've been nice all those years, and it just hasn't paid off because his attitude will eventually destroy him. That part of me thinks, "Well, fine, if you don't want to learn or accept help, then I have no business associating with you."

I don't know what to do or decide. I'm torn between sympathy for him and my conscience.

[Rail Runner offline]

Honestly..if he wont forgive you, or accept your help..then there is simply nothing else you can do man. You did the best you could to help the guy, now let someone else try.

[Phoenix Wolf offline]

I agree with Highway Runner you tried your best but if he won't listen then let someone else deal with it. Don't let it bother you it is not your problem you tried your best and it is the thought that counts and the kindness that matters.

[Gauntlet offline]

This may differ from other opinions, as I haven't exactly psychoanalyzed the evidence and whatnot...

But I'd say you chose the wrong place to bring out the issue. Calling him out like that in the forum where everyone could see wasn't very respectful or thoughtful, regardless of the situation. If you have something personal to discuss with him, do just that; save it for PMs, AIM, e-mail, a phone call or whatever else if it came to it.

As for him not accepting your help, there isn't much you can do about it. If you're going to have a discussion, or rather, teach him something, find common ground first. Most people will take it as an offense and immediately defend their case if they feel like their lifestyle or habits are being attacked. Are you mad at him because he was born into an easy lifestyle, or are you worried about him for his own sake? Slowly ease into it, don't just up and approach him with your problem with him.

Also, he's a kid. I'm guessing he's in High School, so he's still pretty young considering what he'll be dealing with in a few years. Let him enjoy life while he still can; circumstances affect people differently. He probably doesn't have a restraining family matter--not one that affects his social and living experience significantly, that is. My childhood phase, the time during a person's life where they can frolic in the daisy fields and quit band practice whenever the like, passed about 7 years too early. My brother has autism, so he's much more than a little brother to take care of, and it does pretty much bind every aspect of my social life. Cleverstar doesn't have to deal with that, and hopefully he will never have to be put in a similar situation; let him enjoy what life has to offer here and now, and not worry about excessive responsibility, especially in a phase like this.

Quitting band practice will not destroy his entire life. Eventually, on his own, he will understand dedication when people aren't trying to shove it down his throat. If he wants something bad enough, he will get it.