People and 'Friends'

[TB3]

Hi guys - wow, my first rant thread.

As you know, I'm in university, and I share a apartment block with 14 other guys (there were 15 but the girl next door to me moved away because her course wasn't working out).

Now, I've always tried to be a nice person and done my best to fit in - it's not been easy - they are all from towns and inner-city areas and I lived in a small village where church was the weekly social event. Now I never expected this kind of social mingling to be easy, but lately I'm thinking that many of the people in my flat are utter jerks who don't even give me the time of day.

For example, I'm not going in the kitchen area as much because when I do, I almost always hear someone mutter 'he's here,' and usually 'he's gone!' when I leave, by which point I'm usually in a low mood.

I also feel ostracised from the group - I'm rarely invited out on group events and sometimes come out from my room to find the others have gone off clubbing without event considering if I'd like to go with them.

What really narks me though is their perceptions of me - they treat me like an infant - HELLO! I'M A F**KING UNIVERSITY STUDENT - PLEASE CREDIT ME WITH THE BRAINS AND MATURITY I DESERVE! One example tonight was the Nerf guns - these shoot small foam bullets and look like revolvers - the guys play with them often and when I picked them upto try them got this response;

"Just put them down."

And by the time I leave I'm pretty angry and talk to their little marajuana-toked ring-leader Simon;

"You know, weirdly I come in here because I LIKE you guys, God help me."
"Well the feeling's not reciprocated."
"Oh thanks gobshite."
"How do I put this (motions to himself) friends (motions towards my room), end of the corridor next to the empty room."

The git has no taste whatsoever. And I didn't notice anyone else standing up to defend me - on a similar occasion I was so hurt I went for a midnight drive to blow off some steam.

It just drives me mad - I want human company, I want it a lot, and I want to be part of the group, but I can't manage it in an environment where almost no-one considers my feelings, especially maddening after I do my best to not hurt THEIR feelings. I was talking to one of them the other day and he described me as 'inflicting myself' upon others. I frankly wanted to scream "WELL HOW ELSE AM I MEANT TO GET SOME FUCKING COMPANY! I'M HUMAN - I NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE!"

That said not everyone's a jerk - there are some lovely girls on my corridor (even though, as with all girls I've met they always see me as 'The Nice Guy' and never 'Potential Boyfriend') and some of the guys are great too - I'm just left feeling though that many have decided they want little or nothing to do with me, aven after wearing my heart on my sleeve and explaining I only hang around because I want to learn the social skills I don't possess!

People might question why I'm on LF so often, well frankly I'd rather be here with open-minded and friendly people than with a group that ostracises me and treats me like an infant, when they notice my existance. The same goes for my clubs - I get on far better with my friends at the manga and writing clubs and the friends I've made elsewhere on campus - but at night when I'm lonely they aren't the people nearby laughing and drinking.

LF however, is always here, and to you guys I'm really grateful for your friendship and trust.

The odds are that in my frustration I've blown things out of all proportion and that the situation isn't as bad as I percieve it - but I needed this rant to blow off a lot of steam, and I think I have.

Thanks for your time, and if you've read this far, congratulations!

Cheers!

TB3

[The BB of C offline]

How long have you been there?

[Skorpigeist offline]

I sort of know how you feel. I would say that they aren't worth your time and you can go and find people out at your university that will accept you for you. you seem to be an okay person ( I can't guage, but I put my trust in a person from the get go) and you always have the people here at LF. To be honest, the people here have made me feel very welcome and the amount of activity here is astounding. I hope that when I go off to college(less than a year), it will be easier. I do also hope, that it gets better and easier for you. hang in there

[Blueyedblonde offline]

Oh, TB3... I hope things get better for you. I surprisingly have no problem at school, (Except getting up early for it )

I hang out with the popular people, and I know how they can be. I get really mad at people that insult other's for no good reason. I've even lost alot a few friends because of how cruel they could be.
I'm glad that you have friends on LF, and i'm glad that you can cool down with a drive. (It would take a lot for me to cool down after someone treats me bad... like a fist in there face. )

Just remember that you do have people that care about you, and as long as you try to be social with others, maybe they'll come around.

[TB3]

Thanks guys for the support (and your friendship!), and in reply to BB of C's question, I've been at uni since October (went home for Christmas) - and the whole social problem wouldn't bother me, if it wasn't for the fact that these problems have dogged me since I was 13/14 and I was hoping university would be a chance for a fresh start, a New Order - lame pun, but you get what I mean, and yes I'm sure things will start to shape up soon.

Cheers guys for the support!

[TaskForceLyoko offline]

There are six billion people on the Earth, I would not waste time getting to know these oxygen thieves. University is only a microcosm of society, so you'll meet the same type of people there that you've dealt with. You have friends elsewhere as well as here, which tells us you don't have a social problem. They don't like you? Big whoop. In another ten years, they'll probably be sweeping your floors for minimum wage.

They question your maturity when they're playing with nerf guns?:rofl:

Screw them. Call up your mates from school, go to a pub, and have a Guinness.

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

A friend of mine sent this to me a while ago...This might cheer you up a bit:

15 Things You Probably
Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just
like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like
you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you
most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably
won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you
will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude
remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better
when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are
great.

Wishing you much luck for the future and for your problem

[MY85 offline]

TB3, avoid the f-word on Rant next time.

And back on topic: dude, this is exactly why I do hate frats. I'd rather have a university where no one stays to sleep there. Though, if my university was that way, 24-7 parties, I wouldn't suffer your problems at all (I do have friends to geo out and get wasted, but my problem is I live far away from them) and... if dragondasher's chain mail thing helps you out, cool.

[YDV offline]

That sucks. Like, seriously. Okay, I'll admit that I do have some good friends (although when I'm feeling "depressed" I usually flail my arms and insist NOBODY LIKES ME to death when that's not necessarily true), but I do know what isolation feels like. For me, it's kind of because I moved here in 6th grade-- the point in which long-lasting friendships were already cemented and everybody pretty much know who they wanted to hang out with. I've always felt like I've been transplanted into the school system, like it was a brick wall and somebody slathered some glue on me and stuck me on. Like I said, I do have friends but they're kind of scattered. Like, I don't have just one type of group to hang out with. For one thing, a lot of them aren't even in my classes, and the ones that are are in some of the hardest ones to talk to anyone in (like English for example.)

Anyway, my point is that since I almost never have a "group" to hang out with, it's usually my friend and their other friends, and at other times there's no one at all. So I'll sit there quietly doing my work or writing, reading, or drawing, trying to pretend that no, it doesn't hurt me when I see everyone else chatting and having a good time but I'm either too shy or too stand-offish to approach or be approached.

But you know what? At some point, it's over, and I get to go home. But for you-- you LIVE there. You have to be AROUND that, all the time. That's got to be a whole lot worse than my situation. I think it's horrible, the things people've done and said to you. In my opinion, they're pretty much the icky grime underneath the old tattered boot of the scum of the earth, which is lower than those who are lower than dirt.

I may not really understand completely how you feel about the situation, though-- I'm actually one of those inner-city people myself. (Well, technically now I live in the suburbs, but...) so I kind of know how they act and how to deal with them, usually. My plan of action is if you determine they're not worth your time, don't let them be worth yours. If they are, then try to fit in as best you can without debasing yourself, but only if you really feel something to look forward to. If that doesn't work, forget it.

A good friend of mine once told me this: Don't make someone a priority if you're only their option. In your case, however, it's not just one person, and however atrocious it may be, to those... people... (feeling the urge to use expletives lol) you're probably one of their last options. So forgive and forget-- live, love, and learn.

Definitely don't hold a grudge against them though. That can only lead to bad things. (This doesn't really feel like I'm being helpful, but..) I'm sure you've tried this already, but you did say there were non-jerks there, right?

....and now after having typed all that at 1 AM, I also kind of feel like I've subconsciously given myself some advice as well...

[TB3]

Thanks guys for all this, especially dragdasher's chain-mail and YDV's essay - as for Rodri, I do love being in a campus building as my accomodations are great, but the problem is you can't be picky about who you're paired with.

And YDV, I'm glad that you had an epithany while writing that - and yeah I'm pretty upbeat in my attitudes to the jerks - on some days we even have 'pleasant conversation' - but I do prefer hanging out with the non-jerks other people - for example a mate of mine's coming round tonight and we're gonna go see a movie (Wallace and Gromit!) and then come back and watch DVDs and drink beer into the ungodly hours of the dawn!

Just being around someone who enjoys hanging out with you is my nirvana!

Well cheers guys - hope you all have a great days as well and thankyou again for everything.

[Skorpigeist offline]

I thought that both YDV and Dragdasher's comments were great . makes my words seem a little less valuable

[TB3]

I thought that both YDV and Dragdasher's comments were great . makes my words seem a little less valuable

I'm grateful to all of you so don't belittle yourself!

[The BB of C offline]

...and in reply to BB of C's question, I've been at uni since October (went home for Christmas) -

That's the reason right there. You haven't been there long enough for them to accept you. I would give it at least another year. That's when people start to take to you after you've introduced yourself into a new social area.
You are a nice person and I respect you a lot. I've only been here for five days and I see that. So, give it a while longer, and you will have many friends. Some, I'd bet, will stick around for the rest of your life. Also remember, never let them get you down presantly. Just keep your confidence no matter what. Easier said than done, yes. But all it takes is confidence and mental dicipline.

[Osiris offline]

I know how you feel TB3, i am the same in my college (except i dont stay there overnight or anything like that). Im on LF during the day alot cos frankly you guys are a lt better company than most of the guys i work with on my cource. and we are all you friend here!

Hope things get better!

And if you need someone to talk to im nearly always online

[Hidushikai offline]

You guys need more time. Youre all rushing to things so fast. TB3 yall have been in college for a few months. Dude you cant do nothing in that amount of time! Fonzi couldnt do that. And Fonzi is the shiz-nit. More time yo.

[TB3]

You guys need more time. Youre all rushing to things so fast. TB3 yall have been in college for a few months. Dude you cant do nothing in that amount of time! Fonzi couldnt do that. And Fonzi is the shiz-nit. More time yo.

Read the post through, the REASON I made this thread was because I was the only one in the flat who had not developed strong friendship bonds out of 16 people in those months.

EXAMPLE: Chloe the girl next door to me moved home to the south of England, and drove up 350/400 miles yesterday just for one of the other girl's birthday party.

[rachaelkawaii offline]

aww, I'm sorry hon. I hope they figure out soon that you're an awesome person *hugs* and if not maybe you can try moving into a differnet dorm where some of the nicer people live?

[Darkness Incarnate offline]

Hi guys - wow, my first rant thread.

As you know, I'm in university, and I share a apartment block with 14 other guys (there were 15 but the girl next door to me moved away because her course wasn't working out).

Now, I've always tried to be a nice person and done my best to fit in - it's not been easy - they are all from towns and inner-city areas and I lived in a small village where church was the weekly social event. Now I never expected this kind of social mingling to be easy, but lately I'm thinking that many of the people in my flat are utter jerks who don't even give me the time of day.

For example, I'm not going in the kitchen area as much because when I do, I almost always hear someone mutter 'he's here,' and usually 'he's gone!' when I leave, by which point I'm usually in a low mood.

I also feel ostracised from the group - I'm rarely invited out on group events and sometimes come out from my room to find the others have gone off clubbing without event considering if I'd like to go with them.

What really narks me though is their perceptions of me - they treat me like an infant - HELLO! I'M A F**KING UNIVERSITY STUDENT - PLEASE CREDIT ME WITH THE BRAINS AND MATURITY I DESERVE! One example tonight was the Nerf guns - these shoot small foam bullets and look like revolvers - the guys play with them often and when I picked them upto try them got this response;

"Just put them down."

And by the time I leave I'm pretty angry and talk to their little marajuana-toked ring-leader Simon;

"You know, weirdly I come in here because I LIKE you guys, God help me."
"Well the feeling's not reciprocated."
"Oh thanks gobshite."
"How do I put this (motions to himself) friends (motions towards my room), end of the corridor next to the empty room."

The git has no taste whatsoever. And I didn't notice anyone else standing up to defend me - on a similar occasion I was so hurt I went for a midnight drive to blow off some steam.

It just drives me mad - I want human company, I want it a lot, and I want to be part of the group, but I can't manage it in an environment where almost no-one considers my feelings, especially maddening after I do my best to not hurt THEIR feelings. I was talking to one of them the other day and he described me as 'inflicting myself' upon others. I frankly wanted to scream "WELL HOW ELSE AM I MEANT TO GET SOME FUCKING COMPANY! I'M HUMAN - I NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE!"

That said not everyone's a jerk - there are some lovely girls on my corridor (even though, as with all girls I've met they always see me as 'The Nice Guy' and never 'Potential Boyfriend') and some of the guys are great too - I'm just left feeling though that many have decided they want little or nothing to do with me, aven after wearing my heart on my sleeve and explaining I only hang around because I want to learn the social skills I don't possess!

People might question why I'm on LF so often, well frankly I'd rather be here with open-minded and friendly people than with a group that ostracises me and treats me like an infant, when they notice my existance. The same goes for my clubs - I get on far better with my friends at the manga and writing clubs and the friends I've made elsewhere on campus - but at night when I'm lonely they aren't the people nearby laughing and drinking.

LF however, is always here, and to you guys I'm really grateful for your friendship and trust.

The odds are that in my frustration I've blown things out of all proportion and that the situation isn't as bad as I percieve it - but I needed this rant to blow off a lot of steam, and I think I have.

Thanks for your time, and if you've read this far, congratulations!

Cheers!

TB3

I know how you feel all my life it looked like everyone else was living and I got to watch them have fun. If I ever went out it was because I had to track someone down and show up somewhere. In time I just tryed to look for people that liked the same kind of things that I do. Im not saying thats it's not still that way but you can have alot more fun that way.

[Lord Ryu offline]

I know A LOT how you feel. I'm only in junior high, but I'm considered the 'genius', and therefore I'm ostracized from...everything. I don't mind, personally, most everyone in my school is a jerk. Except my friends. So, if they're jerks, just leave 'em alone. So...yeah.

I feel bad for you...

[Hidushikai offline]

You guys need more time. Youre all rushing to things so fast. TB3 yall have been in college for a few months. Dude you cant do nothing in that amount of time! Fonzi couldnt do that. And Fonzi is the shiz-nit. More time yo.

Read the post through, the REASON I made this thread was because I was the only one in the flat who had not developed strong friendship bonds out of 16 people in those months.

EXAMPLE: Chloe the girl next door to me moved home to the south of England, and drove up 350/400 miles yesterday just for one of the other girl's birthday party.

right. u cant always expect that to be. maybe you just have poor social skills. but thats something you need to fix.

[Osiris offline]

You guys need more time. Youre all rushing to things so fast. TB3 yall have been in college for a few months. Dude you cant do nothing in that amount of time! Fonzi couldnt do that. And Fonzi is the shiz-nit. More time yo.

Read the post through, the REASON I made this thread was because I was the only one in the flat who had not developed strong friendship bonds out of 16 people in those months.

EXAMPLE: Chloe the girl next door to me moved home to the south of England, and drove up 350/400 miles yesterday just for one of the other girl's birthday party.

right. u cant always expect that to be. maybe you just have poor social skills. but thats something you need to fix.

i dont think he has bad socal skills, i just think you need people to realyise just how much of a nice guy you are (if you work out how to do that i could use that info to lol)

[TB3]

Thanks Osiris

right. u cant always expect that to be. maybe you just have poor social skills. but thats something you need to fix.

'Poor Social Skills?' - look who's talking.

[YDV offline]

right. u cant always expect that to be. maybe you just have poor social skills. but thats something you need to fix.

I find that to be an EXTREMELY rude thing to say to somebody. And yeah, like TB3 said-- look who's talking.

[Hidushikai offline]

poor social skillz??? I got half the district down here rollin with me. I've had seven girlfriends. I have one now, and Ive slept with her twice. now what do you have? now listen up. I am not a nice person. I drop people hard. I dont them down easy like everyone else. another thing you can learn from this is to know the person youre talking to before you say edit like that.

[Mewberries151]

poor social skillz??? I got half the district down here rollin with me. I've had seven girlfriends. I have one now, and Ive slept with her twice. now what do you have? now listen up. I am not a nice person. I drop people hard. I dont them down easy like everyone else. another thing you can learn from this is to know the person youre talking to before you say edit like that.

Hidushikai, I don't really care what you think your social skills are or what you think you have the right to do. You treat people the way you wanted to be treated when you come to this forum and you treat them with respect. I am also warning you to watch your language as swearing is also not allowed on this forum.

Don't make me lock this for fighting, especially since there's only one person here who's instigating it. That is all.