Numbingly troubled

[Ulrich's lil bro offline]

Okay, I'm not the type of person to admit these things (seriously, I've only had one other Rant thread) because I'm usually the one helping out my friends and all, but lately, I've gotten sick of it all. There's so many things on my mind. Most of the people I know say I've changed, I used to be all good and all and only joked around but things have gotten serious.

I don't get it why these things have to happen, all the weird situations I get in. I'm constantly pushed around and taken advantage of so I swore to myself I'd do something about it and I've gotten mad and thrown some hits at people even my own friends. Speaking about it, I lost a good friend because we sort of got into a fight. With all the cursing and bad comments around, I start shooting some back and I really affect people. I have lost my respect for most people in my school, and I've repeated how I won't take anymore of the bullcrap they tell or do to me. It doesn't get any better.
And now I've even lost my dear neighbor who is like family and has known me since I was born. I've gotten over that but, other things still go on..I'ma good student, but my grades have been dropping. I'm even failing a class and I've been hiding it from my parents to make them not see anything til I raise it. It's also because of how lazy I become. There's only so much I could do. I keep figthing back to nothing. I stay down and it gets worse. It's like a never ending cycle that just seems to come full circle. Why does everybody have to be so f****ng hard these days!

I'm just trapped in my own misery. It's like I don't even wanna try anymore, just shove everyone off. I try everything I can to give a clear message to people who hate me or mess with me, "F*** off and LEAVE ME ALONE" But nobody listens, I'm just some short kid who curses a lot and thinks he's all cool. But I don't really care about my status or anything. I don't care about any of that retarded stuff. All I want is for people to treat me with respect or at least have the descency to walk away if they're not going to treat me right! And I try to make myself better but there's no use...so I keep on, I make jokes and act weird like I always do stay with my friends, and deal with anything the way I alwasy do..but I'm sick of it...

I just needed to let this all out...

[Gauntlet offline]

It sounds like although you want respect, you're not showing it to others. People who are out to annoy you, or hate you, just ignore them, and don't disrespect them. As for your friends, I don't think they're out to use you, otherwise, they're not friends. You might want to get your neighbor back together, and try to piece together what friendship you once had though; if they've been friends with you that long, they're most likely worth it.

Respect those who respect you, and don't lash out at those who do not, and definitely do not lash out at your friends.

[LadyLucy offline]

I know that feeling very well. *hugs* I'm not quite sure what to say, but we're here for ya.

[Ulrich's lil bro offline]

I should've said what I meant by "lost my neighbor". I actually meant that he..well..died.

But thanks anyway, I've just been thinking about things

[oddsgrlfriend offline]

Hey I know exactly what you mean because I've been feeling the same way lately. All I can say is:
1. get a journal - it helps.
2. find 1 friend that you can tell how you are feeling and know they won't go blabbing. Warn them that you are a little touchy of late and tell them why. 3. I highly doubt you suddenly became lazy - it's probably that you just don't have any motivation. Start listening to songs that get you pumped and hyper or calm you down and remind you that summer vacation is only a few weeks away! (Like for me it's Soak Up the Sun by Sharyl Crow and Riot by 3 Days Grace).
Hope I helped a little bit...and like I tell others - I'm always avalible to talk.