maybe you guys can help me

[Arcangel613 offline]

okay so long ago, back when I was nine and niaeve (or however you spell that word) by best friend, whom I had known since the day I was born (we're only a couple months apart and our parents were, and still are, very good friends) told me that he wanted to kiss me. We were camping and he wanted to know what is was like to kiss a girl. I was slightly reluctant because my mom had told me I wasn't allowd to date my best friend (or, at nine, love) but never gave me a reason and I really never questioned her. our whole "secret relationship" last about four years, from when I was nine til he got a real girlfriend when he turned fourteen (we didn't really do anything aside from make out, although he had suggested several times we go further but I always refused).

it was, maybe a year ago, I was at his house, he had wanted make out on his couch and I told him I wouldn't because he was dating a girl. He told me that they had broken up and that he really loved me. I was happy, because I thought he really cared.

I found out later that yeah, he'd broken up with his girlfriend, but failed to mention that right after he gotten a new one.

He had apoligized, said It was one of those spur of the moment things. And really I understand how he is. he's always been a bit of a ladies man and he likes the attention so honestly, I'm not mad at him, now that he's gotten a steady girlfriend he become more of an older brother figure to me, he's always joking and laughing with me.

but I've always felt guilty about kissing another womans boyfriend. And it really hurt me emotionally when I found out. So to deal with it I started hanging out with boys so they would see me as one of them and I could avoid them ever liking me so I wouldn't get hurt again.

okay, so the moral of the story...

it all started a few months ago when this boy who I was friends with ask me to go to the movies (as friends, he assured me) on valentines day. So I brought my friend along with me (whom we call Bengay. cause his names Ben and he's gay. But he's the one who picked the name). and we went and saw jumper and fools gold. a while after that the three of us went again to see 21 and superhero movie. this was about the time that the entire science class this boy and I shared thought we were going out. his friends and my friends also told us that we should go out. so, jokingly, I became his "hypothetical" girlfriend.

Well it was this friday at color day for my school (which is just one big party) our friends were jokingly taking pictures of us and I was laughing along with them. At the very end of the day as him and I were walking toward the gym for the final event of the day, he asked me how I felt about being his real girlfriend.

now he knows what happened with me and my friend, knows how I felt, and knows that I really don't want to feel like that again, so when I didn't answer he told me I didn't have to right now and that maybe I could just think on it.

this saturday we're going to dinner and then going to see a movie. And I'm really not sure how to tell him that yeah, I'd like to. I mean he's a real nice guy, the other day he brought me breakfast, and, when he found out I had insomnia, he always makes sure I'm getting enough sleep. and tells me that if I ever need him, he always leaves his phone on at night in case I need someone to talk to. and it not that I don't like him..i mean...i do.

but really its just that I've spent so much time around boys I don't know how to...express...my feelings

and then there's that fear that he'll turn out to be just like my friend.

so maybe you guys can help me out. what do I do?

mean while I'll spend time trying to figure out when this "hypothetical" relationship became so complicated...

[optimus304 offline]

now thats a pickel of a question. uh first off you really shouldnt be afraid to express you're feelings with a guy who obviously likes you. from the way it sounds, he probabley wont end up like you're other friend. he seems to really care for you a lot if he buys you dinner and really worries when you can't sleep. i mean heck the fact that he keeps his cell on so if you cant sleep you can talk to him is cool. what you should do is maybe just openly tell him. just remember to talk with you're mind not the heart. the heart is what can get you in trouble. just tell him how you feel. thiers really no wrong way to express it. just because you have hung out with boys a lot doesnt mean you can forget how to tell some one you care. just take it one step at a time after that. i hope my advice helps. im sure some one on this board has better suggestions but i hope it goes well for you.

[RachelKat214 offline]

Okay, so, I have advice to but it's a little different. I think that he really cares about you so you should give it a chance. You should listen to your "gut feeling" which means THINK EVERYTHING THOUGH BEFORE ACTING. I'm sorry if I seem mean but that's VERY important. Anyways, if your "gut feeling" tells you to listen to your heart, then listen to your heart, but remember to think before acting. I don't think he'll be like the other guy was. And you should tell him exactly how you feel. I'm sure he'll understand. I hope this advice helps, and again, I'm sorry if I sounded mean, but I'm not sure how else to type it. Good luck!!

[jym1 offline]

looks to me like your on the path to getting very emotionally hurt. Not saying anything about any of your acquaintances, but it seems that your opening yourself up to what ever comes along. If your willing to accept what ever may happen as a result, then live life..
but don't let it affect your grades or your personal life. And think everything through very carefully before you ever take any major steps. I'm not going to get into any kind of lecture about sex, and kids and protection and all that..but having sex is a very emotional thing that you might not want to involve yourself in yet if your decision is to "go with the flow" in terms of boy friends and don't let yourself be blinded by love

[phantasm offline]

Yay belated reply~
When you say you don't know how to express yourself don't worry about being appropriately /emotional/, that may come in time naturally; as long as you express youself with words when you have something to say then it'll be okay.
Also it's good to be careful with a new relationship but don't let one bad experience limit the possibilities for the future. If you want to try being with him and he treats you very well and respectfully (which it seems he does) then being an actual couple may work as well as being a hypothetical couple. Just be sure to tell him where your limits are when you feel you don't want to do certain things, which is perfectly fine and he should understand that.
There's not really anything you can do about what happened with your other friend. It's unpleasant to get hung up on it but there's no point letting that worry interfere. I mean if it happens again, that really sucks! But it's not like you could have seen it coming. Having said that the two situations sound different enough and the new guy sounds caring enough, so just try to enjoy yourself. :p