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The Death:: My First Fan Fiction Rated: PG

For fanfic writers/readers. Post your fics, or recommend one that you thought was good!

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The Death:: My First Fan Fiction Rated: PG

Postby Jeremie Lover » Sun Jan 29, 2006 2:20 pm

http://lyokofan132.livejournal.com/

There you go. How did I do?
Last edited by Jeremie Lover on Sun Jan 29, 2006 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Star Way » Sun Jan 29, 2006 3:24 pm

Well, first of all, fanfics are usually a bit longer than one paragraph long. ^__^;;; Speaking of paragraphs, you may want to break that one up a little bit.

Keep writing, mmkay?

(BTW: Next time, please include the rating of your fanfic with your post. :))
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Postby Jeremie Lover » Sun Jan 29, 2006 3:56 pm

Star Way wrote:Well, first of all, fanfics are usually a bit longer than one paragraph long. ^__^;;; Speaking of paragraphs, you may want to break that one up a little bit.

Keep writing, mmkay?

(BTW: Next time, please include the rating of your fanfic with your post. :))


rating? What do u mean Star Way?


PART 2 Added
http://lyokofan132.livejournal.com/
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Postby Just_Jaine » Sun Jan 29, 2006 4:01 pm

Sissi Delmas Lover wrote:
Star Way wrote:Well, first of all, fanfics are usually a bit longer than one paragraph long. ^__^;;; Speaking of paragraphs, you may want to break that one up a little bit.

Keep writing, mmkay?

(BTW: Next time, please include the rating of your fanfic with your post. :))


rating? What do u mean Star Way?


She means ratings like G or PG. You can look at other fan fiction posts and see.
Your story has potentional. Keep working on it and write more.
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Postby Jeremie Lover » Sun Jan 29, 2006 7:05 pm

Jaine wrote:
Sissi Delmas Lover wrote:
Star Way wrote:Well, first of all, fanfics are usually a bit longer than one paragraph long. ^__^;;; Speaking of paragraphs, you may want to break that one up a little bit.

Keep writing, mmkay?

(BTW: Next time, please include the rating of your fanfic with your post. :))


rating? What do u mean Star Way?


She means ratings like G or PG. You can look at other fan fiction posts and see.
Your story has potentional. Keep working on it and write more.


oh ok ill do that :D
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Postby lyokowarriorteen20010 » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:41 pm

Its ok for a beginer
Blank slate soon to be wrote on.

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Postby The BB of C » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:48 pm

The story seemed very rushed. There was very poor puncuation skill applied which made it difficult to tell who was saying what. The segments were really short and took me about three minutes to read the whole thing. There were also tons of plot holes. Overall, this wasn't that good.
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