"Into the Eye of the Storm" - my first story

[HvonM offline]

Into the Eye of the Storm

With XANA deactivated and Aelita materialized, the members of the gang go their separate ways. Now, years later, the evil computer reemerges in the hands of an international crime ring, provoking a storm that is about to go out of control...
Fiction Rated: T - English - Action/Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2393 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 12-12-05 - Published: 12-1-05

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2684784/1/

This is my first story, and I'd really appreciate it if you guys could read it and leave a review! It's set about ten years from where the show is now, and put a good deal of effort into writing this first chapter (hopefully the next chapter won't take so long).

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TB3, accomplished artist and esteemed Lyoko Freak member, has honored me with drawings of the characters in my story, and the links can be found below. (Now I hope my story will continue to match the exceptional standards of TB3's artwork...)

OFFICIAL ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE CHARACTERS IN MY STORY:

ULRICH STERN-
Commentary, courtesy of TB3
"Having left France after failing to find a university in that country, Ulrich moved back to Germany at his parent's urging. Now in his twenties he is a 'Mittel' or 'Agent' of the BND. Personality-wise he's much the same, but still pines for Yumi. "

http://photobucket.com/albums/c345/Thun ... an0042.jpg

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HELMUTH KLAUSBERGER-
Commentary, courtesy of TB3
"Ulrich's 'Chief' or 'Leiter', Hemluth is a capeable officer of the BND but his achievements are overshadowed by those of his older brother Dietrich. Helmuth is consequently very unsure of himself and a lot of turmoil brews within him."

http://photobucket.com/albums/c345/Thun ... an0043.jpg

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DIETRICH KLAUSBERGER-
Commentary, courtesy of TB3
"Dietrich is Helmuth's older brother, a very by-the-book man who is also extremely proficient in his role as a Direktor of the BND. Dietrich is also well-known by the other agents for his fighting-spirit, and looks liekly to become the next 'Director-General' of the Bundesnachrichtendienst."
"...despite looking like a desk-jockey he's wearing a pair of armpit-holsters and has a knife tucked into his sock - do not mess with this guy. You have been warned."

http://photobucket.com/albums/c345/Thun ... an0041.jpg

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Also, to perhaps add a shade of realism to the story, I found a picture on the internet that is pertinent to the first chapter. It is a photo of the entrance to the BND headquarters, where Ulrich works (in my story, of course). However, the actual headquarters, as far as I know, is not located directly in Munich, as it seems to be in my story. The geographical details of whatever I write are not accurate at all. But the picture, I think, is rather appropriate. The link is below.

http://www.bundestag.de/blickpunkt/bild ... 407x32.jpg

[MY85 offline]

Very good story... I left a review. Enjoy it.

[HvonM offline]

Very good story... I left a review. Enjoy it.

Thanks! I really appreciate the review. Did you like the picture? I thought it would be neat to see some actual locations in the story...

[MY85 offline]

I think the location's cool... what's with the eagle on the wall?

[HvonM offline]

If I'm not mistaken, the eagle is the symbol of the Bundesrepublik (the Federal Republic of Germany), and I guess that's just supposed to indicate that the BND is a 'federal' agency. When I first saw that picture, I thought the eagle looked pretty cool.

[Darkborn offline]

Wow cool so far, I like what happened to the supercomputer lol.

[YDV offline]

Oh... my gosh. That was a really good story! Quite interesting.. at first the whole "letter" thing was making me sad ( ) but then I think I may suspect who one of the victims of the brawl was. And the Supercompy was stolen by a Russian agency? Sweet! (well, not for Ulrich and co. though ^-^; )

Man. I don't know why I can never seem to write anything this good... I mean, I try, but it usually just gets a B for effort or something or no one even bothers to read it. [/sulk]

[HvonM offline]

Wow, thanks guys! I really appreciate everybody's encouraging comments. I hope to get the second chapter up soon. I'm starting to get really busy around now, and I wouldn't want to post the second chapter until I feel that it's just right. I aim to get two more chapters done before Christmas, and they'll probably be long chapters, too...

And YDV, I'm sure you're able to write good stories, too. My first chapter took weeks for me to think through and write, so I definitely can't say that creative writing comes easily to me. If you get me the links to any stories you've written so far, I'd be happy to read them!

[HvonM offline]

I have finally finished Ch. 3! Many thanks to Trillinka for helping me make revisions!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2684784/3/

Please give it a read and leave a review on ff.net! Any suggestions, comments, or encouragement will be received with my utmost gratitude!

[MY85 offline]

Left a review on your story, for the third chapter.

[The BB of C offline]

Very impressive, bravo. There don't seem to be any plot holes. The spelling is all in check. The characterization tactics were nearly flawless. This is a great story.

[Rycr offline]

Quite nice. Very good job on this story. I left you a review.
Oh, and I love how Ulrich looks in that drawing. It fits your story perfectly. He looks much more mature, but he still has that boyish look to his face. Me like!

[Lord Ryu offline]

Nice. I left a review.

Cool! Russia stole a piece of the supercomputer. That's...proboblay bad.

Anyway, can't wait for Chap. 4! Keep it up!

[HvonM offline]

Left a review on your story, for the third chapter.

Thank you for the review and the encouragement! It is much appreciated. There will definitely be more action coming up soon, since the whole XANA issue is just starting to become a problem. If I manage to stick to what I have in mind, there will probably be some pretty significant stuff happening in the next chapter...

Very impressive, bravo. There don't seem to be any plot holes. The spelling is all in check. The characterization tactics were nearly flawless. This is a great story.

Thanks!

Quite nice. Very good job on this story. I left you a review.
Oh, and I love how Ulrich looks in that drawing. It fits your story perfectly. He looks much more mature, but he still has that boyish look to his face. Me like!

Thank you for your compliments and gracious review! I'm very glad you're enjoying the story so far! I agree that the drawings are exceptional - TB3 is an incredible artist and I'm honored that he agreed to do them.

Nice. I left a review.

Cool! Russia stole a piece of the supercomputer. That's...proboblay bad.

Anyway, can't wait for Chap. 4! Keep it up!

Thanks for the review! And regarding the present tense issue, I agree with you that it can be difficult to write with (as I'm discovering now), but since I just happened to start it that way, I thought that it would be best if I just stuck with it to be consistent. Hopefully everything will turn out okay...

[lyokowarriorteen20010 offline]

sound cool

[The BB of C offline]

It was cool. Not sure what's up though. Was that story updated at all since the last time I posted in December? I wonder if it's a suspense.