why I'm a suicidal cynical human being....

[. offline]

See now... when your living in a world thats constantly underestimating you and passing you over, it tends to drive you a little crazy.

It drives you to want to prove everyone wrong, and show them that you are the best possible choice and that they should love you.

But when your a guy like me, and everything you try doesn't work at all to change peoples minds... you get the feeling that every day when you lay your head down on your pillow that your a failure. Your a failure because you didn't change people's perception of you. You still getting passed over and still being underestimated as being "dumb old Nick Rehfeldt"

see it's stuck in my head, it's been drilled into my head since 5th grade that I was a loser and no girl was ever going to love me. I ignored it at first, content that it wasn't true and I'd find someone that liked me eventually, but years have played wear and tear on my mind and it's just driven me to the point where it's like... Whats worth it anymore? I've tried so hard for so long and what has it gotten me? Nothing.

Why am I alive still? Quite frankly I wish I'd just die. I'd kill myself but I know there are still people that care about me though and I don't want to let them down. But ya know, the fact remains that as much as they care about me they don't love me. Their caring is only going to keep me here for so long.

I'm sick of this. I'm sorry I'm an emotional burden on everyone.

[Jeremified offline]

Suicide is a crime, you know...

[itwhiz.jnr offline]

Suicide also kills you.....did i type that out loud

[TB3]

Mate, by no means are you an emotional burden - you're a cool guy, a great member and I'm sure if you persevere you'll find something worth living for.

Never give up

[KayLenny#7 offline]

Gosh, you're like a male version of me! D:

Just so you know, you're one of my favorite LFers!

[Jeremified offline]

Gosh, you're like a male version of me! D:

You've considered suicide too?! You guys have got to lighten up! Listen to those last three words TB3 gave us.

[Skorpigeist offline]

The only thing that I could tell you is that you don't need to base your entire life on how other people precive you. you should just be more concerned that you find yourself to be a sucess. sucess means being happy with who you are, and what you are doing, not how much you make, who you are with etc. as for love, you just gotta keep up the faith it is a big big world man and somewhere out there is someone worth every bit of love you say you have. as for love itslef, that word has so many meanings, the people who care about you do love you, maybe not romantically, but yeah.

and you are indeed one of the more interesting people here at LF. as for an emotional burden you are not, and as for the world, the world will always pass people who are suited for something over. the point is to chug along, and you will get your chance. also like they say, where one door closes, another one or two are waiting (as well as a few open windows )

anyway just take care of yourself man.

[The BB of C offline]

The world underestimates everybody! The world underestimates everyone on this forum. The world only likes the few acceptional people that have the perservearance to bite through it all and make it to the top. You know what else? It is all worth it, especially if you keep pushing no matter what. Then, when you do prove them wrong for underestimating you, then it makes it even more worth it. Now, find what you can do well if you haven't already. Screw whatever the heck anyone else said and just do it. Become the best at it and prove them wrong. Then, you will find it was all worth it.

[enemyxwithin offline]

I totally feel for you. I myself have once considered suicide since my life is so cruddy, but had gotten talked out of it by my best friend. You should know that you are very well loved by someone (maybe a girl someone??) and you may just be the world to them and not even realize it. You really don't deserve to die, you're a good person, and you should just make the best of your life right now. Don't mind anything else that's bad that happens comes your way.

[Sanji offline]

I know exactly how you feel, more then you can imagine, I was bullied since I was four years old, but I managed to change my way of thinking by the time I reached 9...I thought to myself .

"Yeah what, maybe I am a loser, maybe I won't ever be loved, but I'm still here, any of you think you're strong enough to handle that? I'm still standing right here and now,if the world wants me gone, then bring it on, I'll fight to the death."

You just need to change your way of thinking, instead of letting your emotions burden you, open your heart to them, convert them into energy, determination, rage against those trying to keep you down, it didn't fail me, it won't you.

[The BB of C offline]

Darn straight, Sanji!

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

What? No! You are my friend here, and i hold a special place in my heart for you! I know what you feel like, scuiscidal. I felt that way too! But please don't give in to it! It's permanent and completely lethal and there's absolutely no way of going back.

I tried to tear myself away from LF, just to back off. but I couldn't help it. But when people post how they'd miss me, it changed my mind. Mabey that could work for you too!

[Jeremified offline]

I know what you feel like, scuiscidal.

It's suicidical... you mixed up "ui" with the first "c", uh... mixed up "cid" with the second "s", and left out a third "i". SPELLING NIGHTMARE!!!

*slaps self* Sorry about that, I blacked out for a second...

AngelBolt, I applaud you for resisting. ThePepsiPiper, I hope you do the same. We all like you as a member here.

[Xieon offline]

There's more to life than what other people think of you. You have to find other things that make you happy, and go with them.

When other peoples path cross yours, sometimes you just have to deal with it. Not everyone is going to like you, but no one is going to like you if you don't like your self. If you stop worrying about what other people think of you, and just live life day by day, I'm sure you'll find that there is actually alot to life for.

And if you really want a reason why you shouldn't care what people think of you, we'll then I will give you one:
http://i1.tinypic.com/wv4mex.jpg
See, don't you just feel some much better now?

I'm a pretty popular person, I've got a good amount of friends, I go to partys every weekend, and I play varsity sports. I've had a girlfriend that I loved, as well as a few other girls that I we'll, were friends with and I'm wearing a dress.

Hopefully this is a good message to you, that no matter what other people think of you, if you are happy with yourself, then life will go good for you, no matter what. Even if you cross dress and make a really ugly woman, you can still lead a good life.

And if that didn't work, hopefully you'll atleast get a good laugh out of it.

Edit from RoDrInCuBuS: Don't display big images again.
Sorry about that mate

[. offline]

Ah I gusse I really don't have a choice. It's selfish of me to think this way, because I know I'm very lucky in many aspects of my life and I know there are people worser off then me. eh....

Thanks guys.

[Jeremified offline]

You're welcome.
But...

Just start to laugh, and God says no.

What's that all about?

[The BB of C offline]

That makes absolutely no sense.

[. offline]

Fireing my friend
But I come back again and again
I just can't pretend
One more step and I'll start to bend

You try and live
And God says no

We go on our way
Just waiting for that lucky day
I tried every way
Just so that God can blow me away

I need some love
To start the show
But ask just once
And God says no

A lot of dust slides through my head
Scary thoughts like wishing we were dead
You won't get caught if you don't get queer
And you'll be ready for a new frontier

It's good to be bad
It's the best time you'll ever have
What the hell is this ultra sad
Pray for your cool and work on that ---

You learn too much
You'll never know
Just start to laugh
And God says no

A point of life flies through my head
A scary thought like I was someone else
And don't get lost now and show no fear
And you'll be ready for a new frontier

A lot of dust slides through my head
And scary thoughts like wishing we were dead
You won't get caught if you don't get queer
And you'll be ready for a new frontier
For a new frontier

"God Says No" - Monster Magnet