breakup...

[Lola offline]

I feel so nautious and sad...
I had to break up with my boyfriend yesterday. It just wasnt working out. We were going out for over a year. Ive taken breakups before. But I thought this relationship was going somewhere. I love him so much...but its just not working out.
He was the perfect man. He is so cute and tall you wouldnt believe it! He is strong. He is smart. He is funny. Hes got a lot of friends. He protected me even when I didnt need it and even had BB of C teach me some of those ultra-cool fighting moves if ever he wasnt around and I needed protection. He was perfect.
He wont let me in. He has always been a very angry person. He looks for reasons to fight people so hard. Of course he was as soft as a pillow with me. He loves me as much as I love him...But lately especially, he seems to be more and more angry. Its more than obvious yet he refuses to tell anyone whats bothering him.
So I asked him with all of my heart to let me in so I can help him, and he snapped at me. He just started yelling at me about this that and the other thing I was so shocked that I dont even remember what he said. Its only been a day and I miss him so much. But I felt I had to do it...
Maybe it was for the best. He doesnt want anyone to know him too deeply. Its more than obviouis hes trying ultra hard to repress something about him and thats whats making him angry. He fights and gets in trouble all of the time even though I beg him not to. He never got along with my parents. And I think he may be falling for someone else anyway. This girl online...the only person he ever allowed online to know his name. Even if Im online hell get upset if I call him his name which leaves me with that dumb b*tch blaster cannon nickname of his...Bonecracker...that name is so dumb! I hate it! Why cant he just be his nice name that his mother who he loves gave him after she went through 13 hours of vomiting labor with him?!?!?!?

Still...I love him still...this is going to be the hardest breakup so far of my life...Im so sad...and what will he do now??? Will he just repress me and shove me in the back of his head like he does with everything else???;__;

[Lyoko SA80 offline]

Show like something has happen bad during his life.This may be going to the limit .But someone he knew populare very close to him die and he has blame himself .So he has force a banner in his mind that blokes him to recover from this problem. As you said you still love him.But the question is doe's he love you and if he does is he protecting you from something . I got to think of that a bit .

[The BB of C offline]

I can answer some of these questions. She had to go back to her house because my older brother came home from his friend's house. I think the main thing is his biological father. That's a very long story right there. But there could be a countless number of other things. I think you're right, Lyoko Soldier about someone close to him dying. One time, we were talking to each other about the way this one girl was acting towards us. That made it very uncomfortable for him to be around her (I could tell by the look in his face and the way he responded to what she was saying). Before he left my house that day he told me: "I'm talking to her one-on-one the next chance I get. She's looks borderline suicidal. I'm not making this mistake again." Another thing is, is that he claims that this stuff doesn't effect him and that it's nothing but past to him. We think he's only fooling himself.
As for protecting her, she meant from crazy people who may have tried to rape her or things along that line.

[Rail Runner offline]

I know how ya feel Lola...but you will be ok..you are strong, and you will survive...we are all here for ya...

[Lola offline]

Im still really bored and lonely. I cant stay at Nicks house for too long because his older brother is here. The passed couple days all Ive been doing is watching my dvds. They simply dont mean as much without his little comments. I heard a very harsh story about my boyfriend from Nick that somehow he found out but David never bothered to tell me of all people. We think theres more to him than just that. This Sunday the two of us are going to his house and try to work it all out. Its just so hard all of the time and I keep thinking about all the things he did for me. Did you know he once got hit by a car that was going 30mph over the speed limit for me? He did! We were just walking along the road singing and we look behind us and theres this car speeding out of control on the icy roads and David shoves me out of the way only to get nailed by the thing himself. He went flying over the hood we had to take him to the hospital!!!! Almost every week he would spend his hard earned money to take me on a nice night out. One time this drunk guy at a resturant wouldnt stop trying to touch my chest and David threw him to the other side of the room the second he found out. Hopefully we can get this all worked out and we can all at least be friends again. Im beginning to trust BB of C more and more. He always seems to have the answer to things like this.
Ill come back after Sunday as soon as I can and tell you whats going on.

[The BB of C offline]

We went over there earlier today a couple hours after I got back from church and we worked it all out between the two of them. But dang, I heard some stories today. Though those events weren't having the kind of impression on him that we thought they had, those stories did explain a few things about how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

[Lola offline]

Yeah...we went over there on Sunday and talked it out with him. We found out everything that was going on with him. Hes always angry because he often sees people complaining about their lives when nothing is really wrong with them. He hates it when people get on his case because he likes fighting. He said "Maybe I just like to fight people. Did that ever come into your head? That maybe its just me and I am the way I am because I like it and I chose to be? Why the f**k does everyone think I'm 'violent' because I grew up with no father...or this that and the other thing. F**k that! I just like to fight! Get over it!"
I was the one who was wrong in all this.
He never wanted to talk to me about things in his past because he doesnt want to run the risk of them 'messing him up and making him a wreck.' He doesnt want his past to mess him up like it does to a lot of people so he avoids thinking about it all together. To him when something goes wrong he neutralizes the problem and doesnt think about it anymore.
Well......were not dating anymore. But at least we can all be friends.
Hes even back to his old funny self now that its all sorted out. We leave his house and he goes "Lola I hear your on Lyoko Freak. Dont be talking to that Virtualized STI guy..." that was so funny.

[HYDEfangirl offline]

Aww that is so sad. I hpoe me and my boyfriend dont break up like that. Well at least your friends again. My boyfriend doesn't like to talk about his past either but then again his parents are divorced.

[The BB of C offline]

Well, as soon as this guy's father found out his mother was pregnant with him, he ditched her completely. Until just recently (for the past 16 and 2/3 years) his mother raised him by herself completely. The deal is; his mother told me that he started developing violent tendancies around age 6. She was afraid that if he knew the truth about his biological father that he might some day hunt him down and beat him to death. So she told him that his father was a very fat with heart disease and that when he found out his mother was pregnant with him, he had a stress-related heart attack and died. Until one day (last November) they went to Vegas on a vacation and by pure off chance he met his biological father's current girlfriend. That's when he found out everything. Recently, his biological father did have a heart attack. He wanted to see Bonecracker's mother one last time and meet Bonecracker himself in case the heart attack killed him. So they went to Vegas again to see this guy. He came back really ticked off because he wanted nothing more than to punch his father square in the nose. But he couldn't because A) he was in a hospital bed half of the time they were there and B) he was his father (Bonecracker is as devoted to Christianity as he is to his fighting so he simply couldn't bring it in him, though he wanted to, to strike his father).
He's going to hate me for telling this story but it will further explain what happened (plus, Lola asked me to because she's not around to do it). When he was seven-years-old, his best friend (who was 14-years-old) killed herself out of depression. When he looks back on what that girl's life was like, she didn't have much reason to be depressed. Her parents had a divorce and she wouldn't stop thinking about it and it depressed her. That is why he gets upset with people who complain. Because in his experience, few of them have a "real reason" to be depressed about their lives. It's also why he tries not to think about what he was like growing up. He doesn't want to run the risk of those throughts screwing him up like it did his friend 10 years ago.
Once again, sorry Lola wasn't around to tell you all that.