In a Lonely Place

Chapter 1: Altered States

The note was still there.

Odd blinked and rubbed his eyes madly. Nope. Still there. Odd slowly turned around and shut the door, collapsing against it. He didn’t need to be reading the note to know the words inscribed there. Odd clenched his eyes shut as tight as he could, trying to stop the stinging tears.

Kiwi came over and sniffed the youth’s outstretched palm before giving it a lazy lick. Absently, Odd stroked the dog’s head, tears quickly fading into the fur.

“What am I going to do now?”

Jeremie walked down the hall, a concerned look on his face. Odd had not shown up for dinner, and Jeremie’s warning bells had immediately started going off. Ulrich had gone off with Yumi for some martial arts training before she went home, and Aelita just wasn’t attuned to the human psyche yet. That left Jeremie to see what was the matter and remedy the situation.

In a guilty spot in the back of his mind, Jeremie wished it was anyone but him handling this. He felt far more comfortable messing around with the innards of a computer than the inner workings of a friend’s mind. The boy pushed his glasses up his nose as he stopped at Odd’s door. The light wasn’t on, and upon pressing his ear to the door, he heard nothing, either. Tentatively, he raised a fist and knocked (tapped) on the door. No response. Jeremie tried a little harder to the same result.

‘Maybe I should barge in…’ Jeremie thought. He grasped the doorknob unsurely and gave it a turn. The door wasn’t locked, but it wasn’t opening, either.

“What’s going on here?” he wondered aloud, peering in the tiny crack the door allotted. He pressed harder against the door, and it gave a bit more.

‘Why would he barricade himself in?’ Jeremie was even more concerned now. He backed up and gave a full, shoulder-leading run into the door. He barreled head-over-heels into the room, tripped up by whatever was blocking the door. Jeremie straightened his glasses as he sat up. By the light coming from the hall, he could see Kiwi peering out suspiciously from under Odd’s bed. Turning his attention back to the door brought to light the room’s other occupant.

Odd had his head cradled in his hands, and aside from a slight trembling, was doing his best impression of a statue.

“What is it? Did I hurt you?” Jeremie went over and flipped the light on. Odd’s clothes were rumpled and his hair unkempt. Jeremie looked over Odd for injuries. “Did you bash your head?” Odd remained resolute in his ignoring Jeremie whilst sitting in the open doorway.

“Odd…”

Jeremie shook Odd, and finally he showed some signs of life, resisting Jeremie’s efforts. Odd stood up, dragging Jeremie with him, and shrugged the computer whiz off. Jeremie let go, fully aware now this approach wasn’t working. He hung his head as Odd went over and sat on his bed. Kiwi jumped up and settled in Odd’s lap, where he received another half-hearted petting.

“Do you want me to leave, Odd?” Jeremie asked quietly as he watched the boy silently suffer. “I just want to help, and to do that, I need to know what’s wrong. If you’re not ready to talk, that’s OK. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” Jeremie turned toward the door, feeling the eyes boring into the back of his head.

“Don’t go.”

Jeremie had a foot in the hall before the barely audible plea reached his ears. He turned his head and got his first good look at Odd’s face. His cheeks were red and puffy, and eyes usually sparkling with mirth looked listless and dull. Only a quirked eyebrow and terse lips gave Jeremie any clue to Odd’s inner workings as he responded.

“Sure, Odd.”

Conversation (if you can call it that) fell flat again as Jeremie re-entered the room. Kiwi, sensing his role as consoler was being usurped by someone else, retreated to his dresser drawer.

“Could you shut the door, please?” Odd’s voice sounded strained at best. Jeremie nudged the door closed and flicked the lock as an afterthought. Odd scooted over to make room at the foot of the bed for Jeremie to sit down, which he did.

“I’m glad it’s you.” Odd almost sounded positive. “You might be able to actually help and not just placate.”

“That’s funny, because coming in here I was thinking I was the worst one to send.” Jeremie cracked a forced grin Odd didn’t return. “Well, it’s true!” Jeremie suddenly felt the need to defend himself. “Ulrich’s always been more in tune with you.”

“Maybe…” was Odd’s noncommittal response.

“What is it with you?” Jeremie was getting upset. Not angry, for that would only make the situation worse. No, he was upset because Odd didn’t seem to want to help himself.

“Don’t you want my help?” Jeremie waited for a response that did not come.

“Don’t you care?”

“Oh, I care.” Odd had sat up slightly. “I care enough to not want to hurt you guys any more than I have to. I figured doing this provided the least pain for all of you.”

“Just sitting in your room with the lights off?” Jeremie was floored. What would drive Odd to willingly sever his ties with the group?

“Yeah. Better get used to it.”

Jeremie had never wanted to hit anyone as bad as right then. “What if I don’t want to get used to it?”

“Then do something to stop me.” Odd’s eyes betrayed that this was where his heart actually leaned.

“I can’t if I don’t know what the problem is.” Jeremie softened his attack as he noticed the nearly imperceptible shift in Odd. Odd pointed at his night stand, where the crisply folded note still lay.

“Oh, it’s a pretty big problem…”