Membership status: Member
Bio:
Just a 24-year-old working multiple jobs and still trying to get his fics to perhaps fit in with what has happened the past two season.
Categories: Ships, Ships > Other Characters: Odd Della Robbia, Ulrich Stern, Yumi Ishiyama
Genres: Angst
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes Word count: 659 Read Count: 1146
Date: Sep 01, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: Routine
I have never liked the inclusion of cutting in fanfics. It seems so...foriegn. But you write well (no stupid grammatical errors, etc.), so I overlook this. It is a solid one-shot. Nice one.
Categories: Seasons > Season 2 Characters: Aelita Hopper, Jeremie Belpois, Odd Della Robbia, Ulrich Stern, Yumi Ishiyama
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: No Word count: 563 Read Count: 2821
Date: Sep 07, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: A rope in one hand, a string in the other
You need to get off the generalizations. The first three paragraphs are nothing but overused phrases. Then you pianstakingly introduce each of the characters. knowing the readership of this site, that probably isn't necessary, as they're already familiar with the show. I understand that this is an intro, but still, give it some interesting legs to stand on.
Categories: Ships > Ulrich and Sissi Characters: Ulrich Stern
Genres: Drama, Romance
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes Word count: 711 Read Count: 1238
Date: Sep 07, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Not a fan of the ending at all, unless you decide to go somewhere with it. Yumi showing up seems almost too expected, but I love the characterizations, especially Sissi's. I just want to see some concrete resolution to end this story. Yeah, well, I seem to enjoy torturing Yumi in my fanfic as a general rule... It's kind of a subconscious thing, I guess. She's not my favorite character (not because she's all that bad, really, just because she's so overused, at least when it comes to romance. Bahhh.) I also kinda wanted the end to be without closure. It drives people nuts, (and perhaps that's part of why I do that... my own, err, personal amusement *cough*), but I also couldn't choose whether it should be a happy ending or a sad ending. So I left it up to the reader.
Author's Response:
And thanks for the compliment, BTW. ^^
Date: Oct 09, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Wanted to reply to your reply, but couldn't find out, so voila! Another review! Anyway, I can see where you're coming from now, and you do have a tendency to torture characters in the fics you write. You did have that fic where Yumi beat the shit out of Ulrich, though...
Categories: Seasons > Season 1, Seasons > Season 2, Seasons > Season 3 Characters: Jeremie Belpois
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Comedy, Drama, General, Romance
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3
Completed: No Word count: 1023 Read Count: 6593
Date: Sep 13, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: Rage
First of all, I like the direction you took with this. A Jeremie brooding over something other than Aelita is something the fandom doesn't see enough of. However, it is hard to notice the story when the grammatical errors are so prevelant. Mainly it's tense shifts, but Albert Einstein was misspelled. The narrative structure needs work, but your characterizations are spot -on, even if Jeremie waxes too melodramatic at times. You have talent, now hone it to a sharp blade.
Categories: Ships, Ships > Jeremie and Yumi Characters: Jeremie Belpois, Yumi Ishiyama
Genres: Angst, Romance
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes Word count: 465 Read Count: 1415
Date: Oct 09, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: She loves him just for that
It's nice to see an adult-themed story in the fandom. I'm not much for the physical abuse Yumi took in this, but the mental battle for supremecy in a relationship is always a fun aspect to explore. Very good job.
Categories: Ships > Jeremie and Yumi Characters: Jeremie Belpois, Yumi Ishiyama
Genres: Angst, Romance
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes Word count: 483 Read Count: 1242
Date: Oct 09, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: He hates her because he loves her
I almost wish I hadn't read this, because Masochist stands so well on its own. This fic is more troubling, and slightly less believable than the other one. Again, though, the thematic material is engrossing. IF you want a good movie on how violence can drive love, and the motivational factors of lust, check out the Korean film Samaria (Samaritan Girl). It sorta deals witht he same subject matter, and after reading this, I feel it might be up your alley.
But back to the fic. The other overlying problem here is I can't see Yumi in this characterization. She's almost too flawed to take seriously. The voice you write in though, smooths this over, sucks you in, and that is what makes you such a wonderful writer.
They hurted Odd's feelings and let him come to the cafeteria.But there's more adventures than this!
Categories: Ships > Jeremie and Yumi Characters: Aelita Hopper, Jeremie Belpois, Odd Della Robbia, Ulrich Stern, Yumi Ishiyama
Genres: General
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 5
Completed: Yes Word count: 1059 Read Count: 61457
Date: Oct 11, 2006 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2
You have a storyline going, but you don't need to explain everything in such exacting detail. Nor do you need everyone to say the same thing on a seperate line. Just have them all say the same thing, as a group. I like your ideas, but the technique is just so flawed. Read a book on writing. You can do better.
Categories: Ships > Other Characters: Jeremie Belpois
Genres: Angst, Romance
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3
Completed: No Word count: 1958 Read Count: 6958
Date: Oct 23, 2006 Title: Chapter 2: Brilliant Red
Not as technically sound as I'm used to seeing from you, but damn! The concept is golden! Try to fix the run-on sentences/sentence fragments; they're distracting from the unique characterizations of XANA and Jeremie. It's a lot of fun seeing Jeremie squirm like this. More soon, please.
The first part of Alternate Season 4. Dealing with the events of "Final Round" The gang is worn down to nothing, and clinging to what they can.
(As a historical note, this was written pretty much the night of the S3 ender.)
Categories: Seasons Characters: Aelita Hopper, Jeremie Belpois, Odd Della Robbia, Ulrich Stern, Yumi Ishiyama
Genres: Angst, Drama
Warnings: None
Series: Alternate Season 4
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes Word count: 2646 Read Count: 1188
Date: Oct 24, 2006 Title: Chapter 1: Recovery
This is far better than I thought it would be. Future fics tend to suck, but this rose above that to be coherent, interesting and believable. It feels a bit rush, but it'd have to, seeing as it was written in such a short time span. There's some filler passages in here, but overall you have the beginnings of a wonderful series.
Author's Response: I wrote this, what, the evening after the S3 finale I think? I just wanted to pour out the shock and defeat it made me feel, and somehow I think I got it right for the characters too. I thank you for the vote of confidence.
Categories: Seasons > Post-Season 3 Characters: Aelita Hopper, Jeremie Belpois, Odd Della Robbia, Ulrich Stern, Yumi Ishiyama
Genres: General
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes Word count: 1620 Read Count: 1456
Date: Jun 08, 2007 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
This is melancholy, almost surprisingly so. It's also a bit hard to believe to me. Spending the better part of their middle school lives fighting XANA should have created strong bonds bewtween the group. After all, they have shared some life-defining moments together. Yumi leaving was a sort of catalyst for the rest of the group to fragment, especially Ulrich. I don't get, though, why Odd, Jeremie, and Aelita couldn't stay close-knit, even after graduation. Maybe address their long-distance relationships in a follow-up, perhaps? Anyway, I liked the story overall. I like most any story in the CL universe with a darker tinge to it, but your writing always rings true.