Performing.... Favors...

[Paige offline]

What do you do when a guy is pressuring you into performing sexual favors for him?

I honestly didn't know what to do in that situation when it came up.

Alright. So here is what happened. I was at church with my boyfriend and we were sitting on the couch when he said, "You want to go somewhere where there aren't too many people?" And I didn't really... 'get' what he was asking, so I replied, "Why? Do you have a headache?" Then he said, "No, I want to go somewhere where we can be alone.... just the two of us." And Then I said okay. So he led me out of the youth room, and then we went into this room that didn't have any lights on, and there wasn't anyone in there, and then I sat down on the couch that was in there, just expecting to make out a little. But then he like pushed me down onto the couch, [gently though] and then he was like asking me to... perform sexual favors for him. And I just pushed him off of me and left the room. And I didn't see him for the rest of the night. But then the next day, he pretended like it never happened, and so I pretended like nothing happened. And I like this kid so much. So I'm not just going to break up with him.

But what I am asking you kids, is what you would do if the situation comes up again. Like, other than just leaving him, because I'm not going to do that.

[The BB of C offline]

This is probably a stupid question, but did you tell him that you simply weren't ready?

[Paige offline]

This is probably a stupid question, but did you tell him that you simply weren't ready?

One day when we were talking, I told him my boundaries, and he has always respected them. Basically, I am not taking my clothes off anytime in his presence.

[Ulrich Stern. offline]

Well first off I'd like to say I applaude your decision to to leave the room. Wait... did you say he wanted to do that in a church? Anyway... So you don't feel like leaving him after that eh? Hmm. Well the best thing you can really do is keep saying no. If it means pushing him away and leaving the room again then do it. If he really cares about you then he should respect that. Right now it was just a one time thing and it sounds like it's not a big problem yet, but if it persists I do urge you to stay away. At least until you feel it's safe to return. I know I wouldn't want to see you make a decision that you'd later regret.

[Ransomed_Heart offline]

You say that your boundaries are basically "not taking your clothes off in his presence", yet this incident has obviously made you uncomfortable, and obviously he was pushing for something you weren't ready for since you pushed him off and left the room. To me, that would indicate a pushing of boundaries there.

But anyways..I agree with Ulrich Stern. If he doesn't just drop it after that (and if he is as respectful as you claim, he should), then I would back off (not leave him, just get some space) so you don't end up doing something that you would later regret.

[. offline]

tell him to back off. if he pulls that again ditch him.

Why is it girls like these kinds of guys anyway?

[Skorpigeist offline]

I to must say that I appreciate the fact that you thought about this and did what you felt was right in your heart. If this boy loves you then he will respect any and all boundaries that you have, and will not pressure you to do something until you are ready. I feel that you two should talk about it and resolve the boundary issues.

Anyway now that is over, I must applaude you agian for doing what you felt right, you need to continue to do this, because not many people in this world will do something like that.

[Paige offline]

Thanks for the advice! I took that to heart, and I invited him over yesterday, and I talked to him about how I didn't appreciate him doing that, and he said that he was sorry that he did that, and he definitely got carried away. So I guess everything is back to normal. But I did tell him that if he tried it again, I would break up with him. And we both don't want that. That would hurt both of us very much, so I'm pretty sure it won't happen again. I might give him ONE more break if he does try it again, but other than that, no.

I know that most girls would probably have just gone along with it. But, I have standards, and I have primary sources from my sister about how those things go, and she says it isn't worth it. And making out can be just as enjoyable. So I'm sticking to that, and I'll just push him off and leave... but only one more time.

Also, yes it was in his church... that is SO wrong, I know... but it's like the only time we can ever be alone.... so. And also, he is usually VERY respectful, and is a doll to my family, and our families like eachother, so that's good. This is probably just a one time thing where he got carried away. I usually don't go for guys who only want sex. I think that is so degrading on my part.

[The BB of C offline]

Wow, how in the heck did you find a guy that wants an actual relationship?
Anyway, that's awesome that worked out

[Paige offline]

What do you mean how did I find a guy that wanted a relationship?! He's just a guy who likes having a girl he can hold and love and be with.

[The BB of C offline]

I think it's just because every time I talk with a guy about their relationship with the girlfriend, it's always about the sex.

[DeadViolet offline]

HOW DARE SOMEBODY USE YOU AS THIER PERSONAL WHORE, PAIGE?! I WONT STAND FOR IT!!!!

[Skorpigeist offline]

Thanks for the advice! I took that to heart, and I invited him over yesterday, and I talked to him about how I didn't appreciate him doing that, and he said that he was sorry that he did that, and he definitely got carried away. So I guess everything is back to normal. But I did tell him that if he tried it again, I would break up with him. And we both don't want that. That would hurt both of us very much, so I'm pretty sure it won't happen again. I might give him ONE more break if he does try it again, but other than that, no.

I know that most girls would probably have just gone along with it. But, I have standards, and I have primary sources from my sister about how those things go, and she says it isn't worth it. And making out can be just as enjoyable. So I'm sticking to that, and I'll just push him off and leave... but only one more time.

Also, yes it was in his church... that is SO wrong, I know... but it's like the only time we can ever be alone.... so. And also, he is usually VERY respectful, and is a doll to my family, and our families like eachother, so that's good. This is probably just a one time thing where he got carried away. I usually don't go for guys who only want sex. I think that is so degrading on my part.

I dont know if that was aimed at what I said or not, but if it was than you are quite welcome. . I am also glad that things are worked out and settled.

[Paige offline]

I am not a personal whore. I have standards.

I am also glad things are setttled.

[. offline]

I think it's just because every time I talk with a guy about their relationship with the girlfriend, it's always about the sex.

Have you ever been to Live Journal?

Or better yet, MY live journal?

I am one of thoes sensitive guys who want a relationship. It's the women who don't want that type of guy.

[DeadViolet offline]

I am not a personal whore.

I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?

[Mewberries151]

I think it's just because every time I talk with a guy about their relationship with the girlfriend, it's always about the sex.

Have you ever been to Live Journal?

Or better yet, MY live journal?

I am one of thoes sensitive guys who want a relationship. It's the women who don't want that type of guy.

I think that this thread in particular disproves that theory, PepsiPiper. I think a lot of the female members here would also disagree with that generally as well.

[Jeremified offline]

Um... just to clarify these "favors", were they things that would only be discussed in BKO?

[. offline]

I think it's just because every time I talk with a guy about their relationship with the girlfriend, it's always about the sex.

Have you ever been to Live Journal?

Or better yet, MY live journal?

I am one of thoes sensitive guys who want a relationship. It's the women who don't want that type of guy.

I think that this thread in particular disproves that theory, PepsiPiper. I think a lot of the female members here would also disagree with that generally as well.

I wouldn't say it if I didn't feel it was true.

Or maybe it's just me that girls don't want.

[The BB of C offline]

It can be a combination that can be extreamly difficult to figure out.

[Jeremified offline]

Um, I hate to be rude, but could someone please answer my question?

[The BB of C offline]

Did you not read the rest of it? Yes, it was something that would probably be discussed in the BKO.

[Jeremified offline]

Um, yeah, I read the whole post, but I'm not perverted enough to understand what that meant... or at least not enough to be sure of it.

Okay, I'd hate to have been in that situation. However, just as Ulrich said, I applaud you for running away from the situation. That's what I would've done. I'd probably degrade our relationship to a lower level, just for safety.

[Chosen_one offline]

Wow, how in the heck did you find a guy that wants an actual relationship?

I think it's sick, degrading, shameful, and dishonorable that so many guys out there want a girlfriend just 'cause they're hot or popular. To me, it gives guys a bad image.

I'm a guy and my friends and I are nothing like that. We're not competitive, we hate sports, and we don't care if someone is popular or not. We don't judge people by stereotype.

PERSONAL WHORE

Okay, that was just disturbing. Some rich people have personal chefs, personal resturaunts, personal movie theaters, personal barbers, but personal whore?! That's just wrong.

Paige, I'm glad your boyfriend understood and respected your wishes. People who don't respect their boyfriend/girlfriends' wishes shouldn't deserve to date.

[Jeremified offline]

Wow, how in the heck did you find a guy that wants an actual relationship?

I think it's sick, degrading, shameful, and dishonorable that so many guys out there want a girlfriend just 'cause they're hot or popular. To me, it gives guys a bad image.

I'm a guy and my friends and I are nothing like that. We're not competitive, we hate sports, and we don't care if someone is popular or not. We don't judge people by stereotype.

PERSONAL WHORE

Okay, that was just disturbing. Some rich people have personal chefs, personal resturaunts, personal movie theaters, personal barbers, but personal whore?! That's just wrong.

Paige, I'm glad your boyfriend understood and respected your wishes. People who don't respect their boyfriend/girlfriends' wishes shouldn't deserve to date.

Finally, someone who is actually disturbed by this! What took you?!