I am pwned.

[Rail Runner offline]

Well guys...most of you know me as a nice guy who likes to help people...and you are right...but now..I am the one who has a problem....

I lost a friend this evening...she was coming to see me....she was taking off from a light and as she was going through the intersection, a speeding truck doing 80 mph in a 60 pmh zone ran a redlight and T boned her...or sideswiped her, whatever you wanna call it....my friend died. I have been crying all afternoon, and I feel so lost...I met her in high school, we were friends, we graduated together, shared our lives together, and now she is gone. We helped each other through the hard times...after all, that is what friends do.

Someone please tell me that this is just a dream, that things will change..I know it isnt a dream...I know its real...My heart is shattered...my mind...a wreck...my emotions..jumbled...its hard to describe how I feel...I cant even put it into words. This friend meant alot to me...as all of you do as well.

Her parents came to see me..they told me that they were told that she died instantly...I hope that was the case...and that is all I can do is hope...and pray...At least she is free from pain now...and watching me...she would want me to be happy, but as of right now, thats a hard thing to accomplish...I feel guilty in a way, because it was me she was coming to see...why then, why there, why couldnt that driver follows rules...what was he running from..so many questions grace my mind...answers I may never know...but yet the end result is the same...I now have one less friend around.

I appologize to everyone for this long rant, but I feel it had to be released from inside of me...I dont know what else to do right now...I am glad I have LF..because at this moment, it is all I have...

My tears flow freely...they serve as a reminder of the way we feel for our friends and others who have been taken...guys...life is too short and unexpected to be bitter and hating others...please as a request from me to you, make peace with anyone you are not at peace with...you will never know what life will bring you each day...and be thankful for every day that you live..and enjoy it as if it would be your last.

Thanks for being here and listening..errrr reading...what I had to say. If anyone needs help I am still here...I can put aside my own problems to help others...that wont change.
VSTI is still here for yall.

VSTI-Anthony

[meow offline]

I am sorry to hear about it. Cheer up ! o(_) Losing a friend is hard. I know the feeling. It's hard! : (
It's not your fault!!! You didnt do anything wrong.
Just do anything you wanna do if that makes you feel better (except hurting yourself).

If you need help, feel free to PM me. I will try my best though my english is not very good.^^

[Tekirai offline]

Holy jumping Jesus Christmas biscuits. What? STI, no way. No bloody way. That is messed up. Seriously. You lost a friend, that's MORE of an excuse to post here.

This world is chock full of speeding (won't risk saying)s who don't give a crap about other people on the road. That must be really tough for you. I'm not one to be helpful with this sort of thing, but the only way to get through this is to accept it. Trying to forget makes it worse, and tell yourself 'it wasn't my fault' until it STICKS in your head. Otherwise you'll never be able to 'forgive yourself'. If that IS the case with the instant thing, be glad your friend didn't have to go through any- well, not a lot of pain. If you're upset, it'll upset her too. She wouldn't want you to be upset, she'd want you to live on with fond memories in your heart.

You're too nice of a person to go through with this. Screw that speeding idiot all the way to hell. Just remember we're all here for you and feel free to talk to us about anything.

[oddsgrlfriend offline]

VSTI it isn't your fault. You have to remember that. From what I have just read about your friend I can tell that she would not want you to blame yourself. You don't have to appolgize for a long rant either, you deserve one. It's great you help others so much (we all love ya here) but remember that it's ok to worry about your problems every once and a while. I don't know what I can say that will ease the pain (nothing will). Just know you will see her again, and now she's a peace, waiting for you to one day join her. (But don't kill yourself just so you can ... not that I think you would...but when people's minds are messed up from something like this they do crazy things and ... ya ... )

[Ghost Guest offline]

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's death. But you must not blame yourself for it. If anyone must feel guilty for what happened, it should be that irresponsible driver that took away the life of your friend. Cry all you want, for it helps to release the pain. Think about the good times you had together and think how happy you are of having met her and being part of her life. She is in a better place now and someday you'll see her again.

So that's what I have to say. I hope it helps, even if it's jut a little.

[Rail Runner offline]

Thanks guys, it helps to know that I have friends here to help me through this...and dont worry..I wont do anything stupid like try to kill myself, I am not that type of guy. I managed to get some sleep...I dont know how..but I did....but I would like yall to know that yall being here is really helping me to deal with this.

[Insanity Hero offline]

I'm sorry to hear that man. And your a good guy. You didn't do anything wrong it just this is the time of the year where people get a little funny driving and speed up more then normally. I'm really sorry to hear that. I wish that you could stop time, or go back and just fix everything. If you need anything give me shout.

[Rail Runner offline]

thanks IH and everyone...you know...I have been thinking quite a bit about the good times we had, and the fun times we shared...Im gonna miss that alot...a whole lot...and I think honestly thats what hurts the most...is knowing that she wont be there to share in the good times anymore...well...not physically anyway...but things will be ok right? I am not going to stay angry at the guy, all I am gonna say is that I hope he gets what he deserves...whatever that may be.

I am glad that I have Lyoko Freak...you guys mean alot to me...seriously...I dont know what else to do at the moment..but sit here and post and try to find some fun here so that way my mind can stop rambling over details....ya know. looks like Fluffy is gonna get some overtime here. heh..I can smile at least..thats a step in the right direction.

[oddsgrlfriend offline]

VSTI everything will be better than ok. The guy will get what he deserves, your friend will be avendged, and life will go on. And yes, smiling is a step in the right direction.

[Rail Runner offline]

thanks oddsgirlfriend....life will definitely continue...im not looking for revenge here...i just want justice to be done in her name...my heart is still heavy knowing what has to happen in the next few days...

[The BB of C offline]

Virtualized STI, something I've seen to work is to just take a few days to mourn. Vent your feelings a little bit, and then try not to think about it.

[Rail Runner offline]

i will do that...thanks for the advice B...its doing me no good to hold this in...I need to let it go, im sure after the funeral things will be slightly easier to handle...hopefully.

[oddsgrlfriend offline]

Crying, crying helps a lot. Trust me. It really really really helps. And B's right, just take a few days to et things in order.

[Rail Runner offline]

yeah...maybe a few days will help...you know...the funny thing is, when she would have gotten here, I was gonna introduce her to LF...show her the forum, and have her join...yall would have liked her alot.... I have been doing alot of that lately...although I dont show it much...its been pretty bad....thanks for being here guys.

[demon2010 offline]

I'm really really really*70 sorry. Losing some one so close hurts a lot, and even though you want to be happy you really can't hide it. I guess what I'm trying to say is Life is hard. But the best thing to do, no matter how hard you wanna be happy, is to just cry. To cry and cry... In a way it's sorrda like you're guiding your friend. Helping her out a little......... Well, that's what I believe. I also believe she will watch over and protect you always. I'll keep her in my prayers. I'm really sorry and I wish I could take your pain away, but I'm only a little girl that can only try to help. ONce again, I'm so very sorry.

[Rail Runner offline]

good point demon...my eyes are so red though that you would swear im possessed by xana or something...I know she is watching me now...and I am sure that she is fine...I miss her so much though....I am getting ready to go eat out with my friend jonathan, maybe we will go play some pool or something..I think getting out for a bit might help...I will respond when I get back k..thanks for sticking with me guys

[demon2010 offline]

good point demon...my eyes are so red though that you would swear im possessed by xana or something...I know she is watching me now...and I am sure that she is fine...I miss her so much though....I am getting ready to go eat out with my friend jonathan, maybe we will go play some pool or something..I think getting out for a bit might help...I will respond when I get back k..thanks for sticking with me guys

We will ALWAYS be here for you if you need us.

[LadyChaos offline]

Aww... *hugs you*

I'm not really that good with consoling people. I just don't have that ability, sorry. Hopefully everyone else's responses have helped.

[Rail Runner offline]

good morning LC...even a hug can mean just as much as words....and from a friend it really does mean alot...as of right now..I wish I could put all my thoughts and feelings into one place...but its like dragon balls...they are scattered and I am like Goku having to go and get them...as more time passes...the worse I feel...I guess maybe its my mind forcing me to realize that it really has happened and Im finally dealing with it...emotionally. If anyone would like to chat with me..you can pm me, or I have AIM which is greyhoundriderla..or YIM, which is metromastermind...or all three for that matter I really do want yall to know that every response I get helps...each individual gives me a bit of advice, and when you put it all together, it helps..you guys and girls are the greatest friends a guy such as myself could ever have...this is what makes LF so great.

[Jeremified offline]

Woah. [size=0]A lot can happen on my family's "Unplugged Thursdays".[/size]

But seriously, woah. I feel so sorry for you. Do the police know what truck hit her? Dude, if I had that guy's address... I'd pound him so hard it would count as more than one sin. (For you non-Christians, let's just say that that's BAD.) Well, hopefully she's in heaven right now. And you'll join her there whenever your time comes (sorry if this isn't helping, but... I'm like LadyChaos- not that great at consoling.). Just remember, you have one friend down... 765 left.

[Rail Runner offline]

thanks Jeremified...yeah, the guy is in jail right now....so I think hes getting a pounding of a different kind...I totally understand what you are trying to say man, and thanks....

Her parents have asked me to speak at her funeral...of course I said yes I mean, this was my best friend, so why wouldnt I honor her as such.....the funeral is either gonna be Monday or Tuesday, I havent gotten the final word yet...I should find out later this evening...If anything was unclear so far feel free to ask, and I will try to clear things up for yall..but I appreciate yall being here through it all for me...

[oddsgrlfriend offline]

You're a friend, a counsler, a brother, sometimes even a father to us all. Of course we'd be here for you.

[Paige offline]

You're a friend, a counsler, a brother, sometimes even a father to us all. Of course we'd be here for you.

I completely agree.

I am soooo sorry for your loss! I know how that feels. I know it's hard to get used to, but you can't do anything else but get used to it. Just be happy for all the awesome times you had with her, and the fact that you even knew her in the first place.

[Rail Runner offline]

and that wont change...it definitely wont...I will get through this and things will be ok...I am slowly getting my thoughts in order...this weekend will be my preparation period for this coming week..I hope that this event will be the end of extreme emotions for me...although I am gonna feel it for some time, I am just hoping my emotions can subside enough for me to continue doing what I do...daily routine and whatnot..as I said, if you have questions..feel free to ask.

[CHS09 offline]

Antho- VSTI, word of advice from me- laugh!!! Its the ultimate cure for type of thing. Ive been down the road your driving on right now, so I should know. Go on, try it!