I have a lot of strange things wrong with me. Feelings that eat away at me almost every second of the day. I can usually hide them, with the right words written. But, they bother me on the inside. I need help coping.
First, I'm a neurotic perfectionist. Not only with myself, but in my life. In some ways, this can be good- it's helped me develop some useful skills. But, I can't stand it when fights break out, or if I make a mistake. I get stressed way too easily, as a result. And, if I can't help fix the mistake...even worse. I don't want anything else in the world except to be able to relax in these situations, at least to the point where I don't cry in my sleep over it. (That actually has happened.)
And if that wasn't enough, I'm still terrified of what others think of me. I've never actually heard anyone say anything about me, but I can never shake the feeling that I'm too annoying, or that nobody would give a s*it if I left the forum, or fell off the planet. This is in real life as well...and as a result, I can't speak to anyone without stumbling or something.
This is mostly, though, because I don't have the best history with most of the people I talk to (classmates, mostly.). But...that history resulted from being myself. All the worse for wear. I want to be free...but I still can't shake that being free is being a nuisance.
I want to know how I can get over myself and relax. Please...
