I think there's something wrong with me...

[LadyLucy offline]

*sigh*
I don't know how to begin this. I know he's gonna read it sooner or later, but still....

I have a parania.
Well, that sounds stupid. Everyone's afraid of something. (I HATE BEES!!!!). But... this is something that started since a few years ago.
Ok, look. I know I'm annoying. I'll apoligize in advance.
I'm afraid that everything I do makes my loved one mad. Yes, my loved one is Anthony. I love him. Sometimes I'm afraid that he think's I love him too much.
And yes, there is such a thing.
He doesn't realize how much he means to me, I don't think. Maybe he does. I tell him, or at least try to. Talking with him brightens my day. I miss him.
I know how sappy this sounds. I can't help it... sorry....
I know he says he loves me. That he'll help me. But I don't think he can. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I know he says that I'm not annoying, but I am!!! I wish I wasn't. I don't wanna make him mad or roll his eyes. I don't want to scare him away like I did the others. He says that that won't happen, and I want to believe that. I want to believe that everything will be ok, and that he won't leave me alone with a broken heart. I want to believe that.
But that little voice in my head says he's annoyed by me. That I should calm down, not be repeative. That I'm immature. That little voice makes me scared, makes me angry.
But I believe it. A part of me believes it, and that's what makes me like this. I am sorry. I'm sorry I'm not mature. I'm sorry I'm annoying. I really am. I don't know how he see's that I'm not. I don't know how he see's that I'm this person that he can love. I don't understand. I really don't. I'm not beautiful, I"m not smart, I'm not anything! The only thing I'm good at is music and the arts. That's it. Nothing productive, nothing that can get me a job. You can't make money drawing faeries and making techno music. But that's only thing I can do.
Anthony seems to see a me that is invisable. I can't see her in the mirrior. I look in the mirror and see an ok-looking girl with strange eyes, a big nose, and bad skin.
How in the name of the gods is that beautiful?
Who is this person? This beautiful goddess he talks about. I'd love to met her. Maybe she could give me pointers on how to be more mature and less annoying. How to not scare the only boy I've trully loved away.
I highly doubt that this rant makes any sence what so ever. But, well, that's my mind. Always broke. (ok....bad joke. Sorry)
I'll shut up now....

[Writing_Addict offline]

I'm sure everyone has a tick in their brain someday. But don't believe yourself all the time. That's something that breaks some people apart. Your a nice girl Lucy and I'm sure he loves you.

[MY85 offline]

If I were you, I wouldn't post this at all here. Especially when you say that he'll see it soon. Other than that... I might help you, but you're better off not posting stuff like this over here.

[LadyLucy offline]

If I were you, I wouldn't post this at all here. Especially when you say that he'll see it soon. Other than that... I might help you, but you're better off not posting stuff like this over here.

It's almost as if I want him to see it. I can't explain it in spoken words, so maybe if he reads it, he'll understand. I"m not very good at talking about my feelings....

[MY85 offline]

If I were you, I wouldn't post this at all here. Especially when you say that he'll see it soon. Other than that... I might help you, but you're better off not posting stuff like this over here.

It's almost as if I want him to see it. I can't explain it in spoken words, so maybe if he reads it, he'll understand. I"m not very good at talking about my feelings....

I see... but sometimes, asking this kind of advice is better handled in a private way. That's more of my opinion...

[Rail Runner offline]

Vanessa....as I told you on the phone...your fears are unfounded. You are beautiful, and smart, and incredible. Its not an invisible you....its just the you that you arent letting yourself see.

I do love you...and I do realize how much I mean to you...just as you mean the world to me as well. I can help you, if you let me. I have been noticing that something is wrong...but every time I ask you about it, you tell me you are fine...when I know that you arent fine. I can hear it in your voice. I can sense your apprehension....what is wrong?

What can I do to make you see yourself for the wonderful person that you really are?...How can I help you to overcome these thoughts? What can I do to make you understand the fact that I love you and that I will do my best to make sure that you are safe and happy.

[. offline]

1. Shut up
2. Calm down
3. I understand it
4. *hugs*

I am severly probbly the most paranoid human being on the planet. You have to learn to do what I've learn to do and not listen to your gut instincts and instead think things out logically.

If STI didn't like something child, he'd tell you and more then likely in a nice calm and sweet way. And he does acknowledge just how you do love him and care about you, I don't even have to talk him about that because I'm certain it's a given. You just gotta relax, and understand that bad things really won't happen unless it's absolutly logically that'll it will happen.

So just relax.

[Paige offline]

Alright.

I totally undertsnad how you feel. And with that said,

Realllly you should just stop being so hard on yourself... and looking for attention. I know you may not think you are doing that, but it sounds to me that you are fishing for compliments. By saying that you are "not beautiful, not smart, not good at anything, and annoying" it sounds like you are trying to get people to tell you that you aren't.

And I do not know you, at all, and for all I know, you actually could be all of these things, but I highly doubt it, because of the comments you've gotten on your rant so far.

If you and your love have a relationship that is to the point where he tells you he loves you back, I'm almost positive that he means it. I don't think he would say something like, "It's not going to happen." When you are saying that you are afraid you are going to scare him away.

I don't know you, or whoever Anthony is, but I do know how you feel, and I used to act like this ALLL the time, and yes, I ended up scaring previous boyfriends away by constantly looking for them to tell me something that compliments me. But I've realized this is selfish... and that if a boy is going out with you in the first place, they think you are beautiful and amazing, so I just wouldn't worry about anything at all.

I hope that you can realize that he does care for you as much as you do for him, and that he treats you like a princess, because that is what every girl in the world deserves.

[Rail Runner offline]

Im Anthony....and the thing is...she knows I love her...but she tells me...oh I know..but I like to hear it anyway.

I am trying to work with her on the issues...and it may take time..but I am trying.

[LadyLucy offline]

Im Anthony....and the thing is...she knows I love her...but she tells me...oh I know..but I like to hear it anyway.

I am trying to work with her on the issues...and it may take time..but I am trying.

Yes you are darling. And I think you for that.

Thank you, everyone. *BBBBIIIIGGGG hug to everyone*

[MY85 offline]

I totally undertsnad how you feel. And with that said,

Mrs. Rant... your message got incomplete here? A comma and a new paragrpah follows then.

Realllly you should just stop being so hard on yourself... and looking for attention. I know you may not think you are doing that, but it sounds to me that you are fishing for compliments. By saying that you are "not beautiful, not smart, not good at anything, and annoying" it sounds like you are trying to get people to tell you that you aren't.

You're kinda right on that, but you also looked for attention and compliments before.

Anyways.... this is pretty much solved (I suppose)... and I thought Lucy would have been better off dealing this privately...

[Paige offline]

I totally understand how you feel. And with that said,

Mrs. Rant... your message got incomplete here? A comma and a new paragrpah follows then.

Oh excuse me, let me fix that.

I totally understand how you feel. With that said, I can now say this.

You reallllllly should just stop being so hard on yourself... and looking for attention. I know you may not think you are doing that, but it sounds to me that you are fishing for compliments. By saying that you are "not beautiful, not smart, not good at anything, and annoying" it sounds like you are trying to get people to tell you that you aren't.

You're kinda right on that, but you also looked for attention and compliments before.

You are right. I have, and then I realized it was pathetic and made me sound lame, so I stopped. Yes, I completely admit that, I have definitely fished for compliments, and I still do occassionally, but honestly, who doesn't? I don't do it as much anymore, so even though I was being hypocritical in saying that, I kind of think it's justified.

[Lyoko SA80 offline]

In advance I now what your going though. Plus I think I understand .So tell me if I'm worry

Right .So ou love him .That's cool and you like to tell him it .Argh.Now all I can say is not to get on his nervous (like my GF).It really eat the person up inside. All I can say is both of you know that you love each orther .which is great but don't go to far and start at each orther .Stop and lie back and enjoy each orthers company .I doing this at the moment .Before I go away. Help each orher and be cheeking/ naughty to each orther. But please watch out .

[Rail Runner offline]

Yeah...everything is taken care of.

We had a good phone conversation last night, and I found out that it was all due to her past....so I told her that I am not like her past bf's, and that things will be ok. That seemed to help her calm down some.

Im sure this thread is about done...so..Im gonna ask that it be locked.