Yet another rant (Or "Why I want to punch a baby")

[. offline]

Like I said in a previous rant, I don't have much in this world. What I do have, however, that I am very proud of is my integrity and my strive to be a good person. I'm no, angel, okay. Anne Frank I am not. However I do my d*mndest to strive to go that extra mile to make sure that for the most part I stay firmly on the side of good.

Seems however, life likes to push my buttons.

And, ya know, I really start to question why I bother when I got people telling me not try to get laid off their friend, not to beat up their boyfriend, not do anything to harm a friends relationship. These people telling me these things are my friends. They SHOULD know me better. They should know that I would NEVER EVER do ANYTHING like that. But no, they find the need, the strive to tell me that.

Even though, ya know, I'm a freaking loser who would never even attempt to srew a girl for the sake of it, I've only ever had to hit someone once in my entire 18 years of living, that I've actually sacraficed myself more times for other people's relationships then I care to count.

Yet, no, I'm the bad guy. I'm always the bloody bad guy. No matter what I do you people and God always find a way to shit on me. I get my head out of the gutter for one freakin' minute and fate shovels it right in my face.

Frankly I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being brushed off to the side, ignored, ridiculed, frowned upon, and having to face facts that no matter how much I try to do the immortal screw ups the world somehow always manage to stay in first. 2nd place, dead last, it's all the same to me. I want that number 1 spot. I DESERVE that number 1 spot.

Ya know... the true characteristic of a bad guy is that he's weak. He's pathetic. He has to cheat, be underhanded and scummy to get what he wants because he's just not that good enough. Thats what motivates the bad guy.

I'm just never that good enough for anyone. Maybe I ought of take a few pages out of the bad guy playbook. How 'bout then? I can be just as manipulative, cruel and such as any of the guys in the number 1 spot, the only difference is that I CAN DO BETTER!

Yeah thats right! I said it! Not only am I better as being a GOOD person then them, I can also beat them at their own game. I could be a better VILLIAN then them too.

I know what your saying, theres barely 5 weeks of school left. I DON'T CARE! I want *MY* closeur d*mn it. I want *MY* apology that Im deserve from somone. I just want a piece of freaking acknowledgement. Someone to think I'm great. Because it SICKENS me to my stomach that these guys, that don't even deserve it can excell in life and I can't.

f*ck it all. I'm 2nd place to no one.

And for the love of christ, lets get some replies to this before I go off the deep end because I swear I feel like my ropes end on Mr. Nice Guy... and I know saying this is going to get Mew doing the whole "not all girls are like that blah blah blah" ya know I don't care. I don't want to hear that. That is cliche at this point, I only know what is true in *MY* life. I don't care, I'm selfish so what. Sorry but when you open your heart and soul and it gets dumped on it tends to make Piper and very mean, bitter, angry child.

[Reesane offline]

I'm not a motivational speaker, (heck, I'm not very good at responding to these kind of things) but somtimes the hardist part of life is knowing whether its many steep hills or one big mountain you're struggaling up. Even when it seems as though your falling behind, you don't have the right equpment, and your running out of supplys, if you keep on going you get to see somone(or in some casses, many someones) plumiting past you on your way up. The best part is hereing them hit the bottom with a nice, sattisfying WUMP.

Well, that was cheasy.

[Gauntlet offline]

You're expecting from others what you can't provide for yourself.

[. offline]

You're expecting from others what you can't provide for yourself.

?

[Gauntlet offline]

I just want a piece of freaking acknowledgement. Someone to think I'm great.

[Rail Runner offline]

Dude, you are not alone. Life does the same thing to EVERYONE....regardless of how good their lives MIGHT seem. As far as for the apology...honestly, if that *certain someone* is stuck up and whatever...then you may not get an apology...there have been plenty of times in my life where someone should have apologized, but never did, I didnt sit there expecting it....I moved on, and honestly, you should too.

As far as for recognition..dude, you are a great artist....that is something to be proud of in and of itself.

You are a nice guy..trust me..you will get alot farther by staying the nice guy. If you turn mean, that could get you into a whole lot more trouble than you can handle. We dont want to see you go down that road.

[Phoenix Wolf offline]

Dude, you are not alone. Life does the same thing to EVERYONE....regardless of how good their lives MIGHT seem. As far as for the apology...honestly, if that *certain someone* is stuck up and whatever...then you may not get an apology...there have been plenty of times in my life where someone should have apologized, but never did, I didnt sit there expecting it....I moved on, and honestly, you should too.

As far as for recognition..dude, you are a great artist....that is something to be proud of in and of itself.

You are a nice guy..trust me..you will get alot farther by staying the nice guy. If you turn mean, that could get you into a whole lot more trouble than you can handle. We dont want to see you go down that road.

I agree you have to keep in mind that you are your own person and your own unique individual. You are a great artist and I loved your Vid... You just have to keep in mind and I know this is going to sound cheesey but it is one of the only solid pieces of advice I have. A king may move a man a father may claim a son but that man's destiny is his own. Your decisions define who you are they are what decide. They can either make you stronger or destroy you completely. You make those choices and follow your instinct and heart and they will not lead you astray.

[. offline]

I just want a piece of freaking acknowledgement. Someone to think I'm great.

Non. I think highly of myself. But most of the time I think I'm the only one who thinks that.

[Gauntlet offline]

Non. I think highly of myself. But most of the time I think I'm the only one who thinks that.

I believe you should find that bit of acknowledgment from the inside. To me, it sounds like you're expecting people to validate your actions and you want to be seen as a good person. If it really came down to it, whether they saw you as a bad person or a good person, it's all for naught; it's what you think about yourself that matters.

You should probably know, I'm in a similar boat, but I'm fine with things. I'm content with myself--I know who I am, and I don't need someone to tell me. If you can't claim you're a good person, the whole world praising you will not be enough to overcome that bit of self-inflicted doubt.

So, you know, back to the basics. If you need someone to praise you to make you feel great, you might want to examine yourself a bit, and figure things out. Don't draw your happiness from the outside; through the darkest hours of the night, you'll keep trudging along until the dawn if you're confident in yourself, and no one else will matter.

Does that make sense, or did I babble?

[Rail Runner offline]

It actually made perfect sense, and good advice there.

[Phoenix Wolf offline]

I most definitely agree that is great advice. I am glad you give better advice then I do.