Confessions of a broken heart : Yumi Style

[sweetness101 offline]

http://www.codelyoko.com/forum/forumen/viewtopic.php?t=30777&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

[5188148 offline]

Does every new fanfic author have to go through this? Post a link, no raw fanfics. Read the bloody rules

[Star Way]

Oh geez. >_O Yeah, okay, locking in two days unless you link it.

And what's up with that huge text? We're not blind like your granny, you know.

[sweetness101 offline]

my granny is dead

[KayLenny#7 offline]

my granny is dead

Lol, if it makes you feel any better, I like your fic.

[Star Way]

my granny is dead

Oh, sorry. You know what I mean, though. >_O

Anyway, cute fic.

[Dreamscape offline]

Not bad. You're good at portraying angst.

Your writing style needs to be developed a bit more though, because right now there are some lines that don't really seem to flow with the rest of your fic. For example,

As usual she hears her parents arguing and sreaming and breaking stuuf.

This line contains too much information without enough detail. Try being a bit more descriptive, and don't try to fit so much stuff into one sentence.

Yumi singing was also kind of random, no offense. But okay. (And also, if she's crying... she's not going to be able to sing...)

Anyway, like I said, you're good at writing angsty stuff. Keep it up. (But stop rushing... you have all the time in the world to work on your fic!)

[sweetness101 offline]

[Star Way]

;__;

Cheer up. She was only giving constructive criticism to help you.

[sweetness101 offline]

oh and okay, thanks starway

[Vora Lyoko offline]

I like it. Though....I agree with DreamScape. Continue it Please.

[Virus_Xana offline]

Its a good story but very sad.

[Taelia offline]

I wonder what's happening in it.